“Midgets, Uniboobs, Latinas, and Asians” – A Kingston Tournament Recap

Welcome to Day 10 of the SweatSox 14 Days of SweatMas SweatSite Extravaganza.

Many years ago, the “Alliance” was formed with one simple goal in mind: use our combined resources to infiltrate and take over the NCBL from within.  If that didn’t work out, the backup plan was to maybe enter a tournament or two together somewhere down the line.

The 2016 Kingston Alumni Tournament was the first on-field experiment for the SweatPanths With a Silent H.  Creating a roster for the SweatPanths was relatively easy: the SweatSox cut the dead weight, and the remaining 9 joined forces with the only 5 Panthers who were available for the weekend:

Cory Bond
Mark Bond
Marc Charbonneau
Tim Gautam
John Groves
Mike Hluschuk
Shaun Keay
Jason Klein
Marc Lett
Chris Lidstone
Dillon Lowry
Steve Smith
Steve Tsonos
Eric White

The SweatPanths opened the tournament against the Burlington Mudhens, losing 8-6 after multiple SweatSox errors and a very questionable tournament time limit rule.

Batter of the Game: Eric White (2/4, 2B, RBI)
Pitcher of the Game: John Groves
Honourable Mention: Chris Lidstone (0/0, 4BB)

Game 2 against the Petawawa Indians went much more smoothly, winning 12-0 behind an Eric White dirty complete game.

Batter of the Game: Chris Lidstone (2/3, 3B, 2RBI, SB)
Pitcher of the Game: Eric White
Honourable Mention: Marc Lett (2/2, RBI, BB)

We called in a ringer for the final round-robin game against the Braves; pulling Marc Charbonneau off the DL to try and pitch us into the playoffs.  Despite a lack of run support, Charby gave the SweatPanths a quality start before turning the ball over to The Vulture, who stole what we believe was his 14th win of the calendar year.

The SweatPanths would like to extend our best wishes to “Tripod” Charbonneau when he ultimately undergoes yet another surgery on his arm.

Batter of the Game: Eric White (2/4, 2 2B, 3RBI, SB)
Pitcher of the Game: Marc Charbonneau
Honourable Mentions: Marc Lett & Steve Smith (2/3, 2B)

Our semi-final matchup was against a gung-ho Queens University team, who were once again doing 6am wind sprints at the field while the rest of us were just getting to bed.  Needing to throw our big gun in the money-game, the SweatPanths sent ace Mike Hluschuk to the hill, keeping our secret weapon GLE fresh for the finals.

Unfortunately, the SweatSox season-long struggle to play capable defense didn’t stay in Ottawa, and a few key defensive miscues at the worst possible moments ruined what should’ve been an easy CG W for the 2016 Panthers MVP.

Semi-Final Scoresheet: MIA

Final Kingston Tournament Notes/Thoughts:

  • Josh Ramage bailed on his 2nd straight Kingston Tournament.
  • Ross Hughes bailed.
  • Armando Navarro bailed.
  • Keith Bray yo-yo’d several times, but ultimately bailed.
  • “If it was my job to work out everyday, I’d still be fat.”
  • The Panthers do not have their own helmets.
  • I, Shaun Keay, could very well be an unemployed homosexual.
  • Marc Lett got hit with a ball in the vocal cords.
  • Marc Charbonneau had several mouthfuls of Cory Bond’s nuts.
  • How many SweatSox does it take to do a hoodie run? Multiple.
  • Patrick Lyons claims to have once been robbed of a walk-off grand slam by Felix Septimo at a Petawawa tournament many years ago.
  • Midgets and uniboobs are fine, but Latinas and Asians are not.
  • “A fit grandma or fat twenty-something: Why not both?”
  • Chris Lidstone took picking up grass to a whole new level during the Braves game.
  • The “score after 4 innings” might be the worst #1 tiebreaker in tournament history.
  • The Kanata Athletics signing LHP Jeff Francis won’t affect Winchester’s plans to move up to Tier 1 next year.
  • The SweatSox need to work on hotel room temperature etiquette.
  • Jason Klein needs to work on catching routine fly balls this offseason.


Missed any of the SweatSox 14 Days of SweatMas SweatSite Extravaganza posts so far?  Here they are, in all their glory:

Day 1: “Great Upheaval Day” – SweatSox vs Cubs III Recap

Day 2: “Marc Van Wilder” – SweatSox vs Brewers III Recap

Day 3: “I Need to Learn How to Receive It” – SweatSox vs Athletics III Recap

Day 4: “Kent Loves Children Now” – SweatSox vs Kingston Ponies III Recap

Day 5: “Seventeen Runs” – SweatSox vs Panthers III Recap

Day 6: “The Decision: 2017” – Where Will We Play Next Year?

Day 7: “The Feminist” – Petawawa Tournament Recap

Day 8: “The Sweaty’s” – The 2016 SweatSox Awards

Day 9: “Schauwn Key” – A Shaun Keay Pronunciation Guide