14 Things I’ve Learned So Far In Quarantine

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It’s been pretty quiet here at the D-Bunk, so I thought I’d take a moment and share a few of the things I’ve learned over the last couple of months:

  1. Tom Brady left the Patriots, the biggest betrayal in all of sports since Armando Navarro left the SweatSox.
  2. Ross Hughes is now a Viral Pandemic Preventer.
  3. Jaspreet Sanghra has not yet been deported.
  4. The guys are still looking for the Championship series recap.
  5. John Groves upset Chris Lidstone and Ross Hughes in the SweatSox Engagement Pool. Josh Ramage is still the favourite in the Best Man Pool.
  6. Eric White’s home gym is really just his sex room.
  7. The SweatSox didn’t follow the old beer bylaws, nor will we the new ones.
  8. Bill Beelen is a good man.
  9. Mark Bond is the SweatSox Associate.
  10. The Boys > Boys Boys Boys.
  11. Chris Lidstone’s swing is physically distancing itself from the soft toss.
  12. I, Shaun Keay, will not be going to the Masters this year.
  13. Josh Ramage is next in line for the Authority’s throne. There will be cuts.
  14. Craig Cornell’s offseason basketball program: shoot, rebound, rinse, repeat.
  15. Chris Lidstone is the big #SweatTrip2020 winner.
  16. Swestsox
  17. Dick Pound
  18. Joshua Ramage will vacation with her, not us.
  19. Outfield the Dog.
  20. If there’s no upper deck, you can still do a push up.
  21. Today’s present is really tomorrow’s past, and you can’t change the past. Wise up.
  22. Jason Klein is the SweatSox Mercenary.
  23. Being chokeslammed builds character.
  24. When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars.
  25. Marc Lett is the SweatSox Science Guy.
  26. The SweatSox are on Bumble.
  27. Fucko.
  28. Kent Johnston is not very reliable.
  29. How to avoid COVID-19: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, AND DODGE… I’d never miss that last dodge.
  30. Bacon shortage coming btw. Get it while you can.
  31. There’s a surplus of bacon so bacon is cheap.
  32. We’re going to need Craig’s Hot Tub if we’re going to make it on all of our rescheduled flights.
  33. Who is Shawn?
  34. The SweatSox have signed free agent Megan Morehouse to a 1-year prorated deal.
  35. The SweatSox have agreed to terms with The New Yorker on a 1-year sponsorship deal.
  36. Kent Johnston is the SweatSox Phillip.
  37. Corey Bond has 3 addresses.
  38. Stay Wicked Fah Apaht
  39. The Pimp Bus is now 20% off. Plus a free mask and hand sanitizer.
  40. There isn’t a bathtub in the world Marc Lett can’t identify.
  41. 69 + 69 – 14 = 124
  42. You don’t pick 69. 69 chooses you.
  43. So cum tunnel is a vagina and a cumtunnel is a dick. Interesting what a space does.
  44. When Sean Elias says he’s enjoying life in Kent, nobody cares; but when Ross says he wants to all of a sudden it’s sexual harassment.
  45. I’m pretty sure Michael Litoris’ best friend from middle school was also named X AE A-12.
  46. Cop’s going to go play with his balls in the park.

COMING SOON: Recap of the NCBL Spring Meeting, Recap of the Top Secret Super Classified NCBL Executive Meeting, and if I have time maybe a few thoughts on the 2019 Tier 3 Championship Series.