14 Wonderful Things I’ve Learned So Far In Quarantine

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I really, truly, actually learned why they’ve been blasting starting at 7:30 every morning for the past month near my house. The rest I just kinda fake learned:

  1. Ross Hughes is the SweatSox Chandler Bing.
  2. And it begins.
  3. I’ve booked my 8 game schedule, as ordered.
  4. Baseball owns the summer, but frisbee owns the fall.
  5. Ross Hughes is gonna bocce ball that ho!
  6. John Groves JFC.
  7. Craig Cornell is banned from New Brunswick.
  8. Tony Natale is not good.
  9. If you click a link, you lose it all.
  10. I, Shaun Keay, am going to get Craig Cornell fired one day.
  11. Josh Ramage is the SweatSox Uncle Ben.
  12. The SweatSox have a charitable foundation, and use most of the funds to pay Cory Bond’s Authority salary.
  13. In 2021, we’re keeping it simple.
  14. Japan’s “used panty vending machine” is common knowledge.
  15. No Balls. No Mass Texting. Never Show Your Face.
  16. I am a miserable slob.
  17. Shawn is without Ruth.
  18. Writing and drinking don’t mix.
  19. Craig Cornell is a writer, producer, and director.
  20. Cory Bond’s stalk game is a bit too strong.
  21. Josh Ramage likes a strong stalk.
  22. Josh Ramage demands the capitalization of proper nouns.
  23. Josh Ramage ignores the opinions of Kent Johnston.
  24. Craig Cornell is batting .900 so far in 2020.
  25. Mark Bond has a passion for contemporary furniture.
  26. Craig Cornell is an actual published author, screwed out of royalties by Bezos.
  27. Josh Ramage throws a Daysieay Douquooe
  28. Mark Bond is a constant re-poster.
  29. Tecate pairs well with BBQ chicken.
  30. $231.52
  31. The President does not move.
  32. Everybody rotates.
  33. It’s go time.
  34. Stubhub is a bunch of sons of bitches.
  35. Kent Johnston fully supports this.
  36. The second swing was not sufficient to clear the wall.
  37. Kent Johnston had a creepy smile when he was 16.
  38. Kent Johnston can’t figure out where the extra lbs are coming from.
  39. The smelly awesome bucket is still there.
  40. The historical write ups are much more detailed.
  41. Marc Lett is celebrating the 9 year anniversary of being on a patio by going to a patio 👏🏻.
  42. Craig Cornell confirmed through extensive photo forensics that Marc Lett was definitely there.
  43. Be true to your circle!
  44. A $194.99 pair of Big League Chew cleats better come with a lifetime supply of Big League Chew.
  45. You have to wash your hands before you wash your balls.
  46. Softball is dumb.
  47. Craig Cornell faked an injury so he could DH last year.
  48. Cory Bond is a Green Bomber alumnus.
  49. If you enter a live chatroom with Craig Cornell, you’ve already lost.
  50. Studies show that 99% of Dan’s are not, “the Man”.
  51. Josh Ramage wants Craig Cornell to join him for breakfast in bed.
  52. Craig Cornell has the guiltiest conscious of all the SweatSox.
  53. Who keeps a sealed letter just lying around to be opened?
  54. Congratulations Youppi! Youddi man!
  55. Kent Johnston can’t ever get over a bad day at the plate.
  56. Craig Cornell co-wrote Spying on Whales.
  57. 🎵 Craig‘s been spending most his life living in Stacey’s mom 🎵
  58. Josh Ramage’s statements are very controversial.
  59. If 7’s become 10’s in masks, does that mean 1’s become 4’s, and 6’s become 9’s?
  60. You may win some, you may lose some, but I, Shaun Keay, always win.
  61. Mookie Betts’ career with the Dodgers was much like Michael Litoris’ with the SweatSox.
  62. His hair was short 🤷🏼‍♂️.
  63. I’d take Craig Cornell over Crash Davis any day.
  64. Kent Johnston loves a nice love story.
  65. Jason Klein has given up the biggest HR in SweatSox history.
  66. It’s a good thing we played in Tier 1, otherwise we wouldn’t have these great memories of getting shellacked.
  67. SQUIRTINGPANDAS.COM isn’t an actual website.
  68. Jean Lazure can’t be anywhere near Craig Cornell or he strikes out.
  69. Nice.
  70. There’s never been a called strikeout that Craig Cornell believes he deserved.
  71. Even if this was a normal summer, there wouldn’t be anyone on a ball diamond at 4:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon.
  72. Soccer don’t work.
  73. Kent Johnston has a burner Facebook account.
  74. 3806 is 3086
  75. A good manager always pulls a number switch.
  76. You need an advanced mathematics degree to decode the SweatTrip refund breakdown.
  77. The Yankee money is officially cut.
  78. Josh Ramage has beef with WestJet and StubHub.
  79. Estado de la Casa de Cabra?
  80. Kent Johnston lied about what was on the grill last night.
  81. A sex party is not the same as a gender reveal party.
  82. Only 69 active cases in Ottawa as of today. Nice.
  83. The 2 roads don’t connect at the yellow circle, won’t save me too much time.
  84. Mark Bond is like a dad when the thermostat gets touched (with craft beer).
  85. Craig Cornell’s re-tweet game has been big this week with all of the MLB news.
  86. Butt Fuck can’t see the forest for the trees.
  87. Snoop being able to roll Sushi is a much different skillset than Dominicans rolling crepes. Mandlebaum, Mandlebaum.
  88. Josh Ramage and Craig Cornell are heading to 169 when this is over. Nice.
  89. The temperature setting on Craig Cornell’s hot tub is 10 degrees off.
  90. Winchester is coming.