14 Cowabungan Things I’ve Learned So Far In Quarantine

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What I know: He’s going to Toronto 💯

What I learned:

  1. I, Shaun Keay, do not write what is written.
  2. Craif is a verb.
  3. Josh Ramage is full of “inappropriate comments”.
  4. Cory Bond planned smartly.
  5. Mrs. Cop wears the pants, sandals, and checkered shirts in the family.
  6. Cory Bond pulled-out with Liddy in Chicago.
  7. Allanal nobaby.
  8. At some point this year, the SweatSox are going to drop back to back to back to back bunts.
  9. Craig Cornell’s blood pressure is rising.
  10. It’s exhausting carrying the franchise, as I found out between ‘98-‘02.
  11. Some of the greatest people in human history had early onset osteoporosis.
  12. It’s all how you spin it.
  13. Nobody knows what a car has to do with orphaned kids.
  14. Cory Bond is no Bill Freeman.
  15. Keep them off the pole. Dig them out of a hole. Get them to smoke a bowl.
  16. You had Ross Hughes at pole.
  17. It was not, in fact, 4pm somewhere.
  18. Kent Johnston is disturbed.
  19. Mark Bond conceded that Josh Ramage wasn’t wrong.
  20. If anyone donates $5 to the SweatSox, we will remember them.
  21. The water feature at Kent Johnston’s pool is temporarily closed.
  22. Ride the lightning.
  23. Craig Cornell can throw.
  24. What in the actual fuck was wrong with those fuckos?
  25. Something is starting to grow on Craig Cornell.
  26. The Fucko is better than the Odlid.
  27. When Craig Cornell goes to A&W, he always gets a root beer.
  28. Anything can be done for the “best interests of baseball”.
  29. I, Shaun Keay, am a hockey guy.
  30. Who the fuck is Mystery Team?
  31. 🍺 + 🍁 + 🍄 + 🔥 = 👬
  32. Ross Hughes has been to more than one rodeo.
  33. Josh Ramage loves Kent Johnston and Ross Hughes.
  34. Ross Hughes loves lamp.
  35. Kent Johnston has a very strange love for double rainbows.
  36. Mark Bond is the SweatSox Chooch.
  37. Kent Johnston is the SweatSox Diaper Man.
  38. You never want to be near the top, or even on, Bus Cop’s Power Rankings.
  39. You can put a price on the gift of time.
  40. Josh wipes.
  41. Hanes Men’s Tagless Tanks from Walmart are not racist, and they do not in any way encourage domestic violence.
  42. If Rafiki looks any harder at Craig Cornell’s shoes, he’ll go blind.
  43. It’s not a dick move to go stand in line at a store for a couple of hours.
  44. Kent Johnston’s forecasts are in midseason form.
  45. Josh Ramage’s balls are in storage.
  46. Uncle Eric White is the SweatSox Bringer of Beer.
  47. When Craig Cornell turns his hat around, things are about to get cool.
  48. A hidden beer during a boring Wednesday afternoon Zoom meeting never hurt anyone.
  49. R.I.P. Marc Sports.
  50. R.I.P. Mudd.
  51. 7 girls and 2 guys is a strong pool party ratio.
  52. There’s no doubt about it, that stud fucks.
  53. Disabling the iPhone tracker is key to a successful day at work.
  54. Craig Cornell’s spikes are like a solar eclipse. You can’t look directly at them.
  55. Kent Johnston has cenosillicaphobia.
  56. Cory Bond has anti-cenosillicaphobia.
  57. Josh Ramage is pretty certain he’s not the newest SweatDad.
  58. 🎵 When your foot is full of gout, and your joints start to go out: osteoarthritis 🎵
  59. If someone is going to inherit a legit pool someday, he makes the team no questions asked.
  60. In an 8 game season, you have to play in 2 to qualify for the playoffs.
  61. She showed up after work.
  62. Kent Johnston is a fuckass. -K1
  63. Craig Cornell is happy we brought Josh Ramage back.
  64. Josh Ramage is still feeling Burlington, emotionally.
  65. The birth of Mr. Winchester outweighs a HR from yours truly.
  66. Ross Hughes is too fat to walk.
  67. Kent Johnston’s fat ass needs the steps.
  68. The Thermostat Simulator is set to 69 degrees.
  69. Nice.
  70. The GoatHouse theme song is Hell Yeah by Rev Theory. The official anthem is Ninja Rap by Vanilla Ice.
  71. The Ninja Turtles kick so much ass.
  72. The Green Machine has nothing on the official WeedChat name.
  73. Craig Cornell would like to wish Edward Brown a Sad DeathNight.
  74. Kent Johnston wants 12 ribs.
  75. Ross Hughes also wants ribs, after he takes a shit.
  76. A 2020 SweatEuroTrip may now be in play.
  77. Mark Bond respects the dedication.
  78. Josh Ramage wants Cory Bond to eat more vegetables, and less candy.
  79. The SweatSox and Canada Day are not in the same bubble.
  80. Mark Bond is attending a mandatory “New Father Seminar” this Friday night from about 8pm until 3am.
  81. The key to a successful marriage is respecting the decisions made while sober.
  82. Mark Bond doesn’t know the difference between Major and Minor.
  83. Craig Cornell is going to miss blowing water through pool noodles into his friends’ faces.
  84. Like Bobby Bonilla, Cory Bond has deferred payments set up so that the SweatSox will still be paying him long after he retires.
  85. Josh Ramage believes in a good coffee shit before the brews.
  86. If you can’t cream, Ross Hughes isn’t interested.
  87. Jesus’ bumper sticker reads: What Can’t Shaun Do?
  88. I wasn’t home. Someone must have set off all my fireworks.
  89. The maid was not cleaning.