14 Heartwarming Things I’ve Learned So Far In Quarantine

Posted on

I patiently wait. I appear. I wreck.

  1. R.I.P. Kingston Ponies
  2. Kent Johnston’s fat ass & ribs got 20,000 steps the other day.
  3. R.I.P. Buffets
  4. Ross Hughes would pound a Brown Hole over a Pink Whitney any day of the week.
  5. I too did not read the above.
  6. Mark Bond needed a refresher on how to climb a ladder.
  7. It was a nice truck, but an even nicer creeper look.
  8. July 15th would be the earliest teams could get their shit together.
  9. Adrian Delorey was an upstart pitcher-only from Nova Scotia.
  10. Ross Hughes will be purchasing beer immediately at the clubhouse.
  11. Ross Hughes will be purchasing beer immediately at the clubhouse… Just saying.
  12. In whatever sport he plays, Ross Hughes is getting a base hit to left.
  13. Cory Bond was not killing it, but I appreciate the shoutout.
  14. Kent Johnston is lazy.
  15. Nobody fabricates a 69.
  16. I, Shaun Keay, am the SweatSox Ralph Wiggum.
  17. I am out.
  18. A KDJBC is the best kind of BC.
  19. He doesn’t like stout, he got the gout, and that’s what it’s all about.
  20. Tobacco makes it burn nice.
  21. The schmedium has a good launch.
  22. Kent Johnston likes redheads.
  23. Craig Cornell’s musical timing was on point.
  24. Marc Lett is the SweatSox Mark Calaway, may he Rest In Peace.
  25. Craig Cornell prefers everyone head around back.
  26. Chestnut is ridiculous.
  27. It was either a mousepad or a schmedium cutting board. Sweet beer swag either way.
  28. Josh Ramage prefers guys with dad bods.
  29. Ross Hughes is the True Canadian Cocktail.
  30. Trevor Bauer once threw a ball over the CF fence from the mound. Kent Johnston could do that too, if he was standing at the CF fence.
  31. Indians are out. Spiders are in.
  32. Josh Ramage vultured the screenshot.
  33. Padres do so much worse sometimes.
  34. 75 in 10.
  35. Craig Cornell is a reposter.
  36. Craig Cornell is sorry.
  37. Craig Cornell and Josh Ramage love naps.
  38. Craig Cornell is retired from competitive hot dog eating.
  39. Mrs. Ross has a friend that lives in Bells Corners. We didn’t get the signal.
  40. Kent Johnston confirmed the amusing narratives sounded like things that happened.
  41. Kent Johnston wants a shot at 3rd base this year.
  42. Josh Ramage always recognizes a good burn.
  43. NSFW. Seriously, do not click this link: http://www.nepeanbrewers.com
  44. Nobody knew who Mark Fidrych is.
  45. Craig Cornell just wanted to knowledge flex us to assert his dominance. It’s like a dog humping your leg.
  46. Craig Cornell is an Alpha. Mark Bond is a Beta.
  47. R.I.P. Expos
  48. Cory Bond is the SweatSox Chef.
  49. The SweatSox have pitching.
  50. The regular season is the pre season.
  51. July 6th is National Fried Chicken Day.
  52. Nobody dances on a boat like Chris Lidstone.
  53. If you don’t use condoms, you don’t have to hide them.
  54. Record action on the Z.
  55. Josh Ramage thanked Cory Bond.
  56. Kent Johnston owns dukes and a cowboy hat, possibly for role playing.
  57. Josh Ramage is the SweatSox Thrower of the Duke.
  58. Kent Johnston loved sitting outside Forever 21.
  59. Josh Ramage is as bad as Cory Bond.
  60. Dillon Lowry didn’t invite his backup best man to the patio.
  61. We have a few Gentlemen on the SweatSox. No LeBron’s though.
  62. There are 14 videos on the abandoned SweatSox YouTube Channel.
  63. At least that watermelon chick followed the “cans only by the pool” rule.
  64. Josh Ramage seeks Kent Johnston’s approval.
  65. Joe West is not opting out this year despite being high risk and able to get full pay. What a champ.
  66. Instead of guy, I went with bitch.
  67. Concussions are fun.
  68. Serious Ross Hughes is living in Fantasy Land.
  69. Nice.
  70. Craig Cornell is good.
  71. Bus Cop tried the blanket sex thing after a Cornwall game, that’s why he remembered.
  72. The SweatSox Circle is not a safe place, evidently.
  73. Pizza Hut does not offer quality pizza, so Josh Ramage unliked them.
  74. Mark Bond wants a piece of Anthony in his mouth then stomach. Josh Ramage might get in on that.
  75. Kent Johnston’s battery was not 69%.
  76. Kent Johnston, SweatSox Weatherman Extraordinaire, only has 1 weather app.
  77. They’re watching 👀, and listening 👂🏻.
  78. A single year at Harvard is about $100,000 CAD. Motherfuckers!
  79. Those fucking ivy leaguers eh.
  80. 1 underground pool = 20 hot tub visits.
  81. Kent Johnston’s pool is still free, water feature included!
  82. If only Mark Bond would jump off a roof and onto a trampoline.
  83. A degree from Harvard ain’t bad.
  84. Marc Lett may have to lease a 2020 Hyundai Sonata.
  85. Nothing is guaranteed.
  86. Trade School Swim Teams are not as prestigious.
  87. I’m hearing rumors about a Monday the 13th announcement.
  88. I, Shaun Keay, might be a surgeon and may have to opt out.
  89. It’s Lett not Lety.
  90. We may need a guy.
  91. A NCBL season isn’t happening until Kent Johnston tells us to put our pants on.
  92. Craig Cornell retracts his Cop for Dorion annual prediction.
  93. The Powers That Be bring the intangibles.
  94. Kent Johnston didn’t like being outshined in Mark Dorrington’s debut.
  95. The SweatSox do not believe in numerology.
  96. Josh Ramage is not happy with the mask policy enforcement at FreshCo in Bells Corners.
  97. Craig Cornell knows how to scam free books.
  98. Craig Cornell likes them hard, or maybe soft. He won’t say.
  99. Craig Cornell just thought 11-12 weeks was a long time to ship.
  100. Craig Cornell does not have reading glasses, yet.
  101. Craig Cornell is not typically going to bend a corner if he doesn’t need to.
  102. There are no vampires in Craig Cornell’s book.
  103. Craig Cornell is not Mark Bond.
  104. Side Chicks is in the Z.
  105. It was long overdue.
  106. The only wrong way to eat a wing is with a fork and a knife.
  107. The SweatSox are pro Nashville Stars.
  108. The Louisville Bat Museum is 285km and 1 time zone away from Nashville.
  109. The Great American Ballpark is 160km away from the Louisville Bat Museum.
  110. Mark Bond finally respects the decision.

SuperList!

-SK