KANATA– You and your baseball team were playing against the Lumberjacks the other day…
It was another classic SweatSox-Lumberjacks showdown “last night” at Kinsmen, with the SweatSox using a combination of base-path speed, a plethora of hits, and some creative managing shenanigans to walk away with our first W in nearly a month, a 14-10 victory over the team that’s been making baseball dreams come true since 2012.
If anyone was curious about how much power certain members of the NCBL’s political structure actually have, look no further than what happened about an hour before game time, as both teams were arriving at the field. NCBL Treasurer Craig Cornell, NCBL Secretary Cory Bond, and the NCBL’s Social Media Committee Tier 3 Representative Shaun Keay (me), were sitting in the dugout getting mentally prepared for the game (code for not stretching). Not long after, NCBL Operations Committee Director Brett Stott (Head Lumberman) walked into our dugout, dropped his equipment bag, and started rapping his own variant version of the 1993 classic Wu-Tang hit C.R.E.A.M.:
OPSCOM rules everything around me
S.T.O.T.T. wants the dugout
Get the fucka out, y’all
And just like that, we had to relocate. That’s the power of the OPS COM. I (Shaun Keay) was going to play 1B, so the first base dugout was much more convenient for me anyways; and Cornell always picks the wrong dugout, so it was probably all for the best.
Historically, there have been some nice comebacks in SweatSox-Lumberjacks games, and last night’s game was no different. The SweatSox had a 6-1 lead in the 3rd, but the Jacks tied it up half an inning later. The SweatSox had a 10-6 lead in the 5th, but surprise surprise, the Jacks once again tied it up a half an inning later. This back and forth was par for the course (in our case, double bogey for the course); the 6th inning is where things got interesting…
After the time limit fiasco in the Rockets game last week, we’ve been even more conscious of the “no new inning” and “drop dead” rules. We knew heading in that the 6th inning would be the last inning, so the time was now to score some runs, break the tie, and go for the win. 7-8-9 was due up for the SweatSox, and all 3 got on (BB, BB, 1B) and came around to score, which led to the 2nd Lumberjack pitching change of the night. Between the long at bats that led to walks, the pitching change, and still nobody out, it was no longer a matter of this just being the last inning, we started creeping into “the lights could go off and the inning gets erased” territory…
Kyle Stewart was the first to face L-Jack relief pitcher JD Marks, and he too drew a walk. On the SweatSox bench, palms were getting sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy, and I think Josh even threw up a bit of his mom’s spaghetti at the thought we might go back to a tie if the clock runs out, time’s up, and it’s over, blaow! Something had to be done.
Cory Bond was up next, and there was a big discussion just before he stepped into the batter’s box about how to proceed with the at bat, kind of like the infamous “bunt vs no bunt” debate of 2013, but less important. We weren’t quite ready to go automatic strikeout x3 up just 3, but we were close. It was decided that the Captain would get a hit, and then keep running until he got tagged out, and then we’d re-evaluate.
On cue, CBond smashed a line drive into right field, and started “running”. He made it easily to first, and in any other situation in any other game he would’ve stopped there, but that wasn’t the plan. He rounded 1st and started jogging to second (not because he was hot dogging, but because he’s slow and fat now), waiting to be tagged out, but there was no tag. The confused Lumberjacks were caught completely off-guard by the insanity of what was taking place before them, and were frozen in place as our great lefty was circling the bases, uncontested. Now on his way to third, the jog turned into a trot (completely winded), surely he would be tagged out now?!?
As the Candyman got closer and closer to third base, he realized that’s where Kyle Stewart was, who went from 1st to 3rd on the “single” turned “double” and was not aware of any “plan”. Finally we were about to run into an out, all the Lumberjacks had to do was throw the ball to 3rd and tag one of them out, but the ball was never thrown, and we had to improvise a little more. Now just a step or two away from 3rd, Cory started yelling at Kyle to run home. Stewart was confused (just as he was the first time he logged into the Dark Web), but reluctantly complied, and was now sprinting home, and so did Cory. So we had 2 runners about 5 feet apart “barreling” towards home plate. The worst case scenario would’ve been if both runners scored, but finally the Lumberjacks woke up, threw the ball home to a very confused catcher, who ultimately tagged both runners out with relative ease. From 0 to 2 outs just like that.
Up next was Chris Lidstone, who in his most selfless act since joining the SweatSox, volunteered to eat the automatic strikeout so we could keep the game moving. It didn’t taste as good as an “all you can eat” buffet, but it was definitely as fulfilling.
John Groves mowed the Lumberjacks down in order in a very efficient bottom of the 6th; SweatSox win 14-10. It’s a good thing we weren’t playing the Braves, those wily vets would’ve made sure the lights went out and the game ended in a tie.
While the highlight of the game was the dirty triple sequence, the bigger story was the breakout performance by the SweatSox offense. Inept for most of the season, we were able to set a few positive 2021 records in this one:
- 14 runs scored
- 11 runs batted in
- 17 hits
- Every player in the batting order had at least 1 run
- Every player in the batting order had at least 1 RBI
- Every player in the batting order (except for 1) had at least 1 hit
- Craig Cornell goes 4/4 in a game he wasn’t supposed to come to
- Craig Cornell records the first spite stolen base of the year
We’re not quite sure if Kent Johnston (cottage) was holding us back at the plate, or we were simply inspired by the presence of slugger Dillon “Larry” Lowry, who was watching the game in the stands with the fam, as he awaits the call bringing him back up the NCBL after spending the season down in the Lanark League, but either way, we thank both for their contribution to the win.
Next up for the SweatSox is a battle for Tier 3 last place bragging rights when we face the Coyotes, who currently sit at the bottom of Leal while we’re taking it up the rear in Parkins, “tomorrow” night at Kinsmen. A Bond will be starting, we just don’t know which one yet.
Final SweatSox vs Lumberjacks 1.0 Notes/Thoughts:
- Kent Johnston is out, out, out of town
- Kyle Stewart thought wrong
- I, Shaun Keay, am kinda hurt
- Is it a hate crime to hate your teammates?
- So much energy is spent on fake weather reports
- Chris Lidstone will swing a trophy bat or a whip, and still get hits
- Eric White is trading bats for beers
- I, Shaun Keay, parked much further than I needed to
- The SweatSox were not the home team
- Nikolaj played in his 2nd regular season game for us
- Why does our #9 batter get HBP so often?
- Josh Ramage needs to pay royalties on his angry post-pull bullpen walk that Cory Bond patented many years ago
- Sharon Stewart messed up the NCBL standings for about 12 hours