NEPEAN– The SweatSox and Lumberjacks finished in a 9-9 tie last Thursday night at the Sportsplex, fitting since both teams entered the game with 1-0 records after 2-1 victories earlier in the week over the Heat and Rockets respectively. In fact, the only difference between these evenly matched teams might be how big each GM thinks the batting order should be in an NCBL game, we’ll get to that a little later on.
Rookie Dave Rotari, whom the SweatSox acquired in the offseason from the Red Sox as compensation for poaching Armando Navarro back in 2018, made his first start of the season against the Lumberjacks, and per SweatSox tradition we purposefully shit the the bed in the first inning to test the rookie’s mental toughness. We played out of position, we committed a couple of errors, and we even told a few batters what pitches were coming, just to see how Old Man Rotari would handle the chaos. OMR gave up 7 runs in that first inning (only 2 were earned), and he didn’t whine or complain about anything, nor did he quit the team or retire from baseball. The “kid” might just have what it takes to survive and thrive on the SweatSox!
Rotari settled down nicely and ended up pitching 4 and two thirds, turning the ball over to Eric White with the bases juiced in the 5th, and in a move rarely seen by mid-inning SweatSox relief pitchers, White got out of the inning without giving up any inherited runs. Maybe it’s more about the pitcher whose runs are on the line, sorry Josh.
The SweatSox bats had some work to do after that top of the first inning fiasco, and we wasted little time getting some of those runs back, scoring a few unearned runs of our own (3) to bring us within a grand slam of a tie.
We’d score the rest of our runs (6) in our final 2 at bats, highlighted by two 2-run singles from 2021 offensive bum Josh Ramage, who is finally doing something good for us other than winning most of his starts on the mound.
Offensive Honourable Mentions go out to:
- Jason Klein and Craig Cornell, who each had a 3-hit game
- Chris Lidstone and I, Shaun Keay, who each had a 2-hit game
- Josh Ramage with 2 hits (tying his 2021 season total) and 4RBI
- Eric White checked-in with 4 stolen bases, most of which came after he had me removed from the base paths
- Jaspreet Sanghra picked up right where he left off last year, with an HBP in his only AB
It was a relatively quiet day for “good SweatSox defense”; most notably Ramage caught a ball in the outfield, and CBond turned yet another double play from the second base position, moving him into 2nd place on the all time SweatSox leaderboard.
EVERYBODY WILL NOT BAT!
While this might’ve been the first official Sox vs Jacks match-up on the field this year, off the field there’s already been a head-to-head battle between Lumberjacks GM Brett Stott and SweatSox Consultant Craig Cornell, that went the way of the NCBL Treasurer.
Sources tell me that two Thursday’s ago, SweatSox Authority Cory Bond went to watch Doctor Strange, and told Cornell to handle any NCBL related business that might come up during the 2-hours he’d be off the grid. Almost as if it was planned this way, as soon as Cory entered the Multiverse of Madness, a Tier 3 Presidential Order was issued to resurrect the failed “everybody can bat/play” proposal that was defeated 3-3 at the NCBL Kick-Off meeting. This of course is the rule, proposed by Stott in absentia, where anyone can play anywhere at anytime, and you could bat however many people in the batting order as you wanted. I am unsure whether or not this rule also involved dropping a wooden board onto home plate to help identify the strike zone. It probably did though.
Only 6 of the 8 Tier 3 teams voted on the original proposal at the Kick-Off Meeting, so the thought here was if Brett was present to vote on behalf of his Lumberjacks this time around, and everyone else did what they did at the last meeting, it would pass.
What those most in favour of the rule (Tier 3 President + OPS Committee Member Alpha) didn’t prepare for was an all-out electronic-mail assault from acting SweatSox rep Cornell, who woke up that morning and chose violence, respectfully.
There was no way Cornell was playing another season with any more non-baseball rules. DH’ing for the left fielder is one thing, and the new EH didn’t make things any better, but this crossed the line. He was going to put an end to this slippery slope to slo-pitch the league is trending towards, and he was going to do it now.
The SweatSox and Panthers once ran a top secret campaign to put the NC back in the NCBL, and get rid of all the out of towners (Proposition 613), and years later we’re almost there…
Cornwall River Rats
Kingston Ponies
Metcalfe Mudd
Winchester Sox
Winchester Heat
It was now Craig’s turn to take up a cause: he was going to put the B back in the NCBL, whatever it takes.
Cornell pulled out every dirty trick in the book to whip the Special Tier 3 Email Meeting vote his way: bribes, blackmail, extortion, and threats including but not limited to:
- seizing all funds from all teams who vote for this rule, and using the money to buy them all a new brain
- quitting as Treasurer
- quitting the SweatSox
- quitting the league entirely, and starting a new league, taking all the good fields with him leaving the NCBL to play at McCarthy and an abandoned t-ball field behind some factory that nobody has used since 1969 (Rotari’s birth year)
- shaving his head in protest
- and a serious threat of brutal violence towards his so-called friend and longtime teammate Cory (aka the Switzerland of the NCBL) and his family, if CB14 tried to take back the SweatSox voting power before his mission was complete, especially to do something stupid like abstaining from the vote like he almost always does, or even worse voting ‘yes’ like he allegedly did at the Kick-Off meeting.
Needless to say, the vote was a bloodbath: 6-2 against, and the motion was once again defeated. Craig can sleep a little easier at night, while no doubt Brett is back to work figuring out a way to put this motion back on the table as soon as possible; after-all he’s only down 0-2 in the count, and in baseball it still takes 3 strikes to equal an out (for now). In-slo pitch it’s probably 2 though.
FYI- Cory ranked Doctor Strange 12th of 27 in his Marvel Movie Rankings.
Final SweatSox vs Lumberjaxpos Notes/Thoughts:
- Josh drank Kent’s beer, as promised
- Josh always misses Marc
- Josh never misses Mark
- We still haven’t met rookie Andrew C. Brewnard yet
- Ross plays wherever we need him to play, whether he’s qualified to or not
- What’s the difference between pants and big boy pants?
- Kent’s pants appear to be little boy pants
- The Hero of Hydration would like to remind you on this warm day to please stay hydrated
- Would you rather a finger or tapeworm up your ass?
- Corey V. has Cory B. scouted perfectly
- Craig’s new helmet must have some of that new “extra suction” technology built in
- Ross’ signature home plate celebration is a vertical jump, with a wooh
- Shoutout to Umpire Max, who I hear is a loyal reader and big fan!
- Craig is now just 1 hit away from tying me (Shaun Keay) as the SweatSox all-time hit leader
- Pac-Man is life
- The inner lining of the human mouth and the vagina share the same type of membrane
- Predicting a 4-3 win when it’s 3-3 late isn’t that impressive
- We think Eric sent a screenshot of a screenshot of the final score
- Justine prefers to eat at home
- Eric warned the team that Justine cannot be trusted
- You need to eat more fruits, but not that one
- IBS is different from gastroenteritis in that it’s a chronic condition that often persists throughout someone’s life. On the other hand, gastroenteritis usually goes away after you recover from the viral or bacterial infection that caused your symptoms.
Next up for the SweatSox is a matchup Monday night at Trillium against the Coyotes, weather permitting. Don’t forget to bring your baseball socks.
#WONTHEHYJINX