NEPEAN– Last Tuesday night, Craig Cornell became our all-time* hit king, Josh Ramage went 5/5 at the plate for the first time in his life, and the SweatSox improved our 2022 record to 2-0-1 with an 11-1 non-mercy win over the Capitals.
While the boxscore might show this to have been an easy win for the SweatSox, in reality it was anything but. In fact, there were questions throughout the day about whether or not this game would even be played:
First, we had a weather issue. After multiple NCBL rainouts over the previous 2 days, combined with a bit of rain in the forecast on game day, we were not hopeful. What was working in our favour was we were playing at the Sportsplex, a great field for drainage, but more importantly: the Nepean Brewers were playing right after us. This of course meant at some point Commissioner Beelen was going to pop by to do his one man groundskeeping crew thing to get the field in tip top shape, which of course he did. It wasn’t so much so that we’d get our game in, it was more so the Brewers would definitely get their game in. Either way, it worked out for us. Thanks Bill!
Second, we had a roster issue. When we all went to bed the night before, we had just 9 of our 15 guys available for the game. Not ideal, but doable. When we woke up on game-day, Chris Lidstone reported that he was down with Rona-like symptoms and he’d be isolating from baseball for 5 days, no isolation required for golf though. Then, Kent Johnston revealed he woke up with a surprise ankle injury (likely from overcompensating for the Gout) that was preventing him from walking. Both were ruled out, meaning we were down to 7 and headed for a default. While some managers would’ve panicked and signed some random emergency spare who says he can catch but he really can’t and he has to be removed from behind the plate by the home plate umpire for his and everyone’s safety, SweatSox Authority Cory Bond simply put his head down, and did what he does best: Manage.
Several options were presented to the Authority:
- The Bus Cop offered to call up Kelly 3, although Kelly 2 or Kelly 1 would’ve been fine options too
- Whoever or whatever a Mikey is was offered up
- We considered chartering a flight from out east so Mindy could anchor the bottom half of our order
- We even thought about reaching out to my boy Michael Litoris again, but we know Registrar Joe still has it out for him
Instead, Cory decided to guilt-trip the players he already had. His first meeting was with Craig Cornell. When asked what it would take for him to skip his duties as a Little League Assistant Coach, Craig said he’d only show up if he could bat leadoff and be starting pitcher. Cory negotiated Cornell down to just being leadoff, so now we had 8.
The next call was to Eric White, who was scheduled to work well past when our game would end. When asked what it would take for him to ditch the kids he works with, White demanded the following:
- At least 3 innings pitched once he got there
- He wanted his boy Jaspreet Sanghra to play 2B for the first time ever
- He wanted assurance he would not get hit in the head by a ball
- And he wanted at least 1.5 pounds of wings at the bar after the game
Cory promised to deliver on 3 of the 4 demands, so Eric said fine he’d be there, just a little late.
So we had 8 to start and knew we were going to have 9 eventually, but Cory figured he could still do better than that. His final target was convincing Goutty Goutterson himself Kent Johnston to man up and be better than the current #9 batter: Otto Matty Kout. Cory offered Kent the “opportunity” to play the laziest position in all of team sports: 1B, but KJ wasn’t ready to break his 39-year vow to never play the infield. The Director of Green eventually conceded he wasn’t going to let the team down, so he offered to play whatever corner outfield was closest to the dugout, in this case RF. Done. This was the first time the Angry Center Fielder played Right Field since a CF/RF 7th inning 2-out switcheroo many years ago at Heritage, and the second time since being moved “2 steps over, 1 step back” by the first string Ottawa Deuces center fielder at the 2007 Nepean Brewers Tournament.
So we had a perfect field, we had enough players, now all we had to do was play the game. LFG!
–START OF GAME RECAP
We took a 1-0 lead in the first, extended the lead by a run in the 4th, gave a run back in the 4th, and then scored 9 runs over the final 2 innings when the Capitals Burlington’d their starter, to win the game 11-1.
–END OF GAME RECAP (nailed it)
It was a noteworthy night for several SweatSox, for several different reasons.
Eric White: Our chances of defending our championship (last year doesn’t count cause it was a half season and the Misfits were in our Tier for some reason) took a serious hit when Eric was HBP in the head in the 6th as retribution for Ramage plunking one of their guys in the dome, so he’s definitely concussed again. White is already talking nonsense, believing he’s going to pitch in all 24 of our games this year.
Josh Ramage: With 4IP, the win, and a 5/5 day at the plate, Josh locked up the Week #2 NCBL POW award, and is the leader in the clubhouse for the 2022 SweatSox OMS Award. While The Arsonist is no stranger to 4 inning wins, a 5-hit day was something new; He’s never once accomplished this feat in the NCBL, High School, OBA, Little League, or even in MLB The Show on his PlayStation. Fun Fact: This was the 1st SweatSox 5-hit game since Craig Cornell did it some time ago against the Acadiens, per Craig Cornell.
Craig Cornell: With a base hit in the 2nd inning, Craig tied me (Shaun Keay) on the SweatSox All-Time* Hit List. With a base hit in the 6th, Craig passed me (Shaun Keay) on the SweatSox All-Time* Hit List. And with a base hit in the 7th, Craig pulled away from me (Shaun Keay) on the SweatSox All-Time* Hit List. We did not pause the game to acknowledge this historic achievement, mainly because we all forgot until he was half-way to his car after the Hyjinx. In all seriousness, a big congratulations to my good friend Craig; If anyone was going to break this record, I would’ve preferred it to be Cory, but you holding for now it is just fine in my books.
*Don’t pop the champagne just yet though. While Craig may hold the official SweatSox hit record, only half of Doug Dorion’s all-time stats are known. We projected the early part of his career out, and determined that Craig is still 73 shy of actually breaking the true SweatSox record.
Dave Rotari: Recorded his first hit as a member of the SweatSox. Here’s a picture (courtesy of Justine White) of Rotari right before his hit:
Shaun Keay: I ate a record low 1.5 pounds of wings at Summerhays. How does a wing joint run out of wings?
Jaspreet Sanghra: Is going to become rich when he finishes coding the latest SweatSox app: Dik Tok. Featured categories will include Dik Goatees, Dik Staches (including Dik Handlebars), and Jas’ personal favourite: Dik Beards.
Final SweatSox vs Capitals Notes/Thoughts:
- The Bus Cop is prefers pole to poll
- We were not allowed to put on our pants as early as usual
- Dying is not covered by NCBL insurance, we waived our right to that
- The SweatSox require 3 independent sources to confirm the weather
- Here’s how you play 1B: catch ball if thrown to you, throw ball to pitcher. Nothing else matters
- The Powers That Be almost batted 1-2-3, but because Kent’s too slow, that was a no in the 2.0
- Cory is batting 1.000 this year when Bill is watching; .000 otherwise
- The combined speed of both HBP headshots: 69 kph
- Cop getting crowbarred was the most devastating SweatSox home renovation injury since Eric sliced a digit off
- The Crowbar maneuver is an extremely tough act to perform on yourself, but possible as Jaspreet demonstrated
- Jaspreet assisted on the first out of the game, and caught the final out of the game. 0 errors.
- Don’t ever (for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been, ever, for any reason whatsoever) call someone a retard
- Why did I write down soup? Did somebody have soup? Do I want soup? Was there an armoire filled with soup recipes?
- He might’ve been hot at the plate, but during the Hyjinx Craig was ice cold, so he bailed from the circle early to take a solo soak in the hot tub
- Apparently Ms. Hyjinx 2019 doesn’t read my blog?
- Eric discovered the secret bathroom, that even when gas chambered still isn’t as warm as the bathroom outside the Sportsplex
- It costs $200 easy to fill up my tank
- Nobody remembers the C story from The Couch episode, almost nobody anyways
Next up for the SweatSox is a matchup with the Lumberjacks next Wednesday at Southgate. Be safe this holiday long weekend folks, and don’t forget to honour Canada’s OG Queen the way she’d want you to:
#WONTHEHYJINX