SOUTH OTTAWA– It was a low scoring affair Wednesday night at Southgate, where the SweatSox dropped our first game of the season 3-1 to the still undefeated Lumberjacks.
This was the second matchup of the season between the Sox and Jacks, but this may have been the final chapter in the long-standing feud between bitter rivals Craig Cornell and Brett Stott. Sources say the NCBL’s OPS COM Alpha reached out to the NCBL Treasurer earlier that morning, issuing a blanket apology for all his previous wrongdoings, in an attempt to end the Great Grudge.
I’m hearing Cornell has conditionally accepted this apology, so long as Brett backs Craig’s 2023 NCBL Winter Meeting proposal codenamed: “Putting the B back in the NCBL”. Craig will be looking to “Make the NCBL Great Again” with this 14-point plan:
- Eliminating the EH
- Eliminating the DH
- Eliminating the everyone plays/bats rule
- Eliminating the automatic strikeout
- Eliminating the automatic walk
- Eliminating running for the catcher with 2-outs
- Eliminating emergency spares
- Eliminating ties
- Eliminating the ability for umpires to call a strike after a batter has already thrown their bat believing it to be ball 4
- Increasing the amount of games played from 24 to 162
- Reducing the amount of teams that make playoffs
- Mandatory base coaches
- No bunting
- A lifetime ban to Joe Buck in an NCBL booth
Feud still on I guess.
—START OF GAME RECAP
The SweatSox should’ve given up 1 run in the 1st, actually gave up 2 in the 2nd, scored 1 in the 5th, and gave up 1 in the 6th. Lumberjacks win 3-1.
—END OF GAME RECAP
Dave Rotari pitched 4 strong for the SweatSox, giving up just 2 runs before turning the ball over to Dillon Lowry who threw the final 2. With Eric White left out of the mix, his weeklong dream of pitching in all 24 games this year has officially ended.
The SweatSox struggled against Lumberjacks starter Tyas Montgomery, managing just 3 hits all game. Eric White and Kent Johnston led the game off with back to back infield hits, Eric had another hit a few innings later, and that was it. Marc Lett scored the only SweatSox run, Johnston had the only SweatSox RBI, and Jaspreet Sanghra was nearly lost for the season after a devastating HBP in the 5th inning. Fortunately, our new second-string second baseman is expected to make a full recovery.
Defensively, the SweatSox turned a season high 2 double plays: a routine 6-4-3 and a really messy 3-6, and we nearly had a 3rd after a super fucked up [F7] – [bouncer to 6] – [2] – [actual third base] with the bases loaded in the 6th. Liddy and Craiggy don’t ever want to be reminded about that one.
Final SweatSox vs Lumberjacks Notes/Thoughts:
- Eric was scouted all the way back in t-ball
- Nothing washes down a Tums quite like a Tekate
- Nobody monitors the local golf club black market quite like Kent
- Who needs Ray Bans when you’re batting .875
- The Goathouse is now open to the neighbourhood, with poolside parking available
- Dick Strike needs a therapist
- I lost power 6 times
- Hydro One #1
- It’s always a trap
- A triple outage zone is not ideal
- We don’t know the status of Lett Forest
- A Jamaican Shower is always fun
- Kent once ordered 31 cheeseburgers using his own phone he once found unlocked
- Lots of firewood in the garage is the key to surviving a power outage
- Jas is to Patrick Star as Josh is to Napoleon Dynamite
- Jason is an In & Out guy
- Josh fucked up not being an In then Out guy
- Kent is hoping Manny12’s boss’s husband is a liar
- Tonight, my shower will not be waffle stomped, nor will my toilet be upper decked, thanks to Hydro Ottawa
- Kent will need to tap into the speed force to cover that outfield
- Uncle Bruce is going to drop a bit this year
- I show up when I feel like it
- Marc is generous with his generator, Craig is not
- Larry got got by the delayed steal
- When you get 5 hits in a game, you don’t need to run out lazy fly balls the next game, evidently
- Kyle Stewart is in the building!
- The Lumberjacks would like to implement an “anyone can run for anyone at any time” rule
- The SweatSox are 0-1 in games not umpired by Louis “Reply-All” Gadbois
- The Arsonist does not masturbate with A535
- Eric had 2 hits, but not 3
- Wee Heavy, is how the Leprechaun describes his dick
- Kent loves a good pregnant pause
- Kent loves adult cartoons
- Kent doesn’t like the Southgate bullpen
- The Oreo race wasn’t enough to get Craig to press play on Episode 2
- Rotari and White worked out a new pickoff play at 2nd – the signal for it is even more complicated than Eric’s pitching signs
- If you have the option to jerk off in a steamed bathroom, even if hot water is limited, you have to do it
- Cajun spice needs to be on every Condiment Utility Belt
- Enough with your horse talk lady
- If you get your nipples micro bladed, you might as well get your balls dipped, and butthole bleached
- The best question to ask somebody after they die is: “So how did you die?”
- Blind people should not be allowed to cross the street after midnight, per Josh Ramage
- “Just get a fucking bagel”
- Pickles on a sandwich at Subway is like parmesan cheese on a pizza at East Sides, you only stop when you completely run out of each
- I forgot my thermos had mushroom soup in it
- I still have no idea what Cory forgot he was saying
- French onion soup is Josh’s favourite soup
- Josh’s storage unit is on floor 3, locker 16
- Happy Birthday Joe Beelen
- There was no pact, I just wanted that side of the booth for myself
Next up for the SweatSox was supposed to be our second matchup of the season against the Capitals, but that got rained out. The new next up is our first matchup of the year against the Coyotes later today at the Sportsplex (pending the opening of Woodroffe Avenue and the Sportsplex itself). Eric White is scheduled to make his first start of the year.
#WONTHEHYJINX