#TONIGHT | The SweatTrip2022 RECAP

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Last week, Cory Bond, Mark Bond, Craig Cornell, Kent Johnston, Josh Ramage, and I, Shaun Keay, represented the SweatSox on the 5th annual SweatTrip Stadium Tour. While the previous 4 trips were all multi-stadium, we decided to visit just one city this time around: Denver, Colorado. We were only in town for 4 days, but we saw 3 games, drank hundreds of beers, made even more boom booms, but most importantly: we arrived as friends, and left as enemies, as all great trips should be.

Here is our story.

DAY 0

On Day 0, we all had to take supervised COVID tests that produced a negative result in order to board our flight to the US the next day. They stuck those swabs so far up our asses, I can’t believe none of us tested positive for something. Trip is on. See you in Denver.

Final SweatTrip2022 Day 0 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Good speed to everyone
  • I jumped the gun on check-in
  • Negative is good?
  • Kent hasn’t left the house in 2.5 years
  • Nobody’s phone is going to die
  • Craig recommends starting the day with 99, not 69
  • There will not be any sharing of chargers
  • Things that don’t bother Kent: Golfing, Beer, Vacation
  • I’ve mastered the art of negotiation
  • When Kent thanks you, he does it kindly
  • Craig is crushing it as leadoff this year
  • Kent is the SweatSox Chandler Bing
  • There is nothing worse than a pharmacy walk of shame
  • Who uses slog? Craig uses slog.
  • The Cuba rainout is rescheduled for August 12th at Sportsplex
  • Kent now realizes you can’t jam paper into the phone port
  • Josh voted, for Craig
  • You always have to pull your mask down to sneeze, otherwise it’ll get ruined
  • Kent went from batting 7th to batting 3rd
  • The Darkness has Josh ranked at least 4th on the SweatSox pitching depth chart
  • The Misfits, who wanted to play in Tier 3 a month ago, are now playing in the Tier 1 tourney
  • Kent’s a johnson, per Josh Ramage
  • Cory wants to meet a minute early for a pre-test chew
  • Those green pants ?
  • Parking pass = true power
  • Yes Josh, I wear collared shirts
  • My aim is pretty good, whether it’s in the urinal or throwing a baseball
  • Cory has been pounding five guys lately
  • ABCX > ABC
  • Cop’s issue is his child
  • Mark’s passport is under review
  • Josh’s Mets glasses have been activated
  • Dollarama diarrhea pills might stop the poops, or double them
  • Electrolytes are key to a ziplock-bag pharmacy
  • Josh definitely doesn’t want to shit himself
  • My gum bucket is not a poop bucket
  • Cory’s house is painted like an adjacent fairway, just for me

DAY 1

On Day 1, we spent most of the day in the security line at the Ottawa Airport.  When we finally got through that marathon, we hopped on a plane to Toronto, spent a couple of hours in the lounge, flew to Denver, went to the Rockies game, sat in the Rock Pile, ate a few Rock Dogs, and then went to bed.

Final SweatTrip2022 Day 1 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Masks on
  • Josh does not like side chats he’s not a part of
  • Josh isn’t a closer
  • When did you go to bed? When did you wake up? How early did you get to the airport? You get rubber gloved?
  • 11, 330, 4, no
  • I had to double check my passport three times to make sure it was Shaun Robert Keay (me) and not Robert Shaun Keay (my dad)
  • Starting Zone Order
    • 1 Kent
    • 2 Josh
    • 3 Shaun
    • 4 Mark
    • 5 Cory
  • Yogi Berra played baseball. Yogi Bear played football.
  • Michael Jackson sang Thriller and Beat It, not Justin Timberlake
  • You don’t spock a volleyball, you spike it
  • As an engineer, I know how to play Tetris
  • Kent is before, I am after (hair)
  • Kent is current, I am current (stomach)
  • That’s how a torpedo goes, it skips across the lake to second base
  • Panna Cotta is Italian
  • What I’ve learned is Kent isn’t a fan of Craig
  • Enjoy your holes Josh
  • Snorted. Farted. Snorfed.
  • It’s better to have constant wiping than not being able to wipe at all
  • My thoughts on Cop’s face: 3
  • Women can’t be funny, per Josh
  • Josh Ramage used to steal demo disc’s from the Pinecrest Chapters. It would be great if he could steal a base or two one of these days.
  • I wasn’t man enough to do a pre-flight shot with Josh
  • I’ve never played chess before, but I went 5-0 vs Mark
  • Fried did us a solid and helped us get to bed early
  • Kent was wrong, the bar was not closed
  • While Craig isn’t a fan of NCBL rule changes, he would be for an MLB extra inning format whereby the home team gets to pick whether they pitch or bat (with a runner on 2nd); and if the team that’s batting scores a run that half inning, they win, otherwise, they lose.  Stott is in, and already drawing this up for the 2023 NCBL Winter Meeting.

DAY 2

On Day 2, we went to a a bunch of breweries, walked a bit, shopped at the farmers market, walked some more, drank a bunch of beer, walked again, went to the Rockies game, sat in the 100’s, walked home, and then went to bed.

Final SweatTrip2022 Day 2 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Cop sneezed on me
  • Pie is not a meal. A soup and sandwich would be though.
  • Buttered pigeon is a Denver delicacy
  • You can save time in the bathroom if you poop and shower at the same time
  • The Director believes the entire western world should be canceled
  • If a box of matches is $22, it better come with a $20 bill, a $1 bill, and a couple quarters.
  • The old man who crash landed over the doggy fence now owns that brewery
  • I don’t like coconut
  • The shuffleboard table was not actually broken
  • The coconut beer was very coconutty
  • Always be counting
  • Never leave someone hanging on a high five, or an ET
  • Craig’s UBER account has been reactivated
  • Josh was annoyed Craig drank all of the infused water
  • Lett needs to teach these MLB catchers how to block a potential wild pitch
  • Apparently it was baby night at the ballpark
  • Cleveland is 1-0, although we don’t know who the 1 was against.  We’ve narrowed it down to an AL West opponent, possibly the Angels, maybe Athletics.
  • I’m only going to say this once, but I shouldn’t even have to say it at all: It is never okay to come on a horse

DAY 3

On Day 3, we had some BBQ, went to the afternoon Rockies game, sat in the special 200 section with AC behind the glass, had a pizza party, toured the University of Colorado’s Denver campus, watched the NBA Finals, and went to bed.

Final SweatTrip2022 Day 3 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Forget a shower, coffee, or energy drink, the best way to wake up is getting frog splashed from the top rope.
  • Josh is a big fan of the Funky Bunch
  • You can’t upper deck our toilet because it already has been
  • You can’t upper deck an already upper decked toilet
  • You can’t double deck
  • Upon further review, you can indeed double deck
  • Josh does not like Craig’s seat selection, or his assigning of the seats
  • Kent got shat on this spring
  • Kent also got shat on last year at Trillium in CF
  • New York City to London is 5,585 KM; Ottawa to Denver is 2,465 KM. Spider-Man was further from home than we were.
  • Some dude crushed the Blue Moon Smokehouse, and that dude’s name was Joshua Ramage
  • The only thing worse looking than Cop’s beer is the American Pie beer
  • Hank is short for Henry. Mike is short for Michael. Tim is short for Timmy.
  • The burnt ends were not as burny, or as endy as they could’ve been
  • Cory is an AirDrop vulture
  • Kent does not care about me
  • It’s been a long time since any of us have had cotton candy, except for Craig, who had some last year
  • Mark did not fall for the ol’ can swap switcheroo
  • On second thought, Josh doesn’t mind Craig’s seat selection
  • When Roy tells you to move, you move
  • Josh is only afraid of 2 things: getting pulled in the middle of an inning, and Roy
  • Roy 3:16
  • Cory stole my spoon
  • Kent likes his bottoms with a little grey
  • They do have Hooters in the UK
  • Kent’s rally hat manifested that homerun
  • Mark may have called the other homerun
  • Cory saved my life with an abort
  • It wasn’t a dog, it was a Lynx
  • 328 has an upper deck guard, or Anti Deck Device (ADD)
  • Kent went from having a potential 4 beers, to 0 beers
  • You want some fudge?

DAY 4

On Day 4, we slept in, went for a nice lunch, made our way to the airport, and were supposed to fly home.

Final SweatTrip2022 Day 4 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Cory may be promoted to the snoring room next year
  • A couch cushion is no substitute for a chair
  • No significant difference has been shown between milk derived from rBST-treated and non-rBST-treated cows.
  • You can’t make a right hand turn from 3 lanes over and not expect to be T-boned
  • Josh needed premium internet. The porn just doesn’t stream as good on 4G.
  • When you run out of toilet paper, you use Kleenex.
  • Tomorrow I’m de-gassing
  • Josh had a touchdown and extra points worth of Diet Coke refills. He had even more ice.
  • Cory’s SPD (steak per day) ratio was lower than average on this trip
  • The crescendo is always the deadliest
  • Wearing brown shorts is helpful when you shit yourself
  • Mask on!
  • There may have been some plumbing issues in that handicapped stall
  • Denver to Colorado Springs is 114km
  • The Gout Grotto is broken (the timing was fine, we were still talking about it)
  • No matter how quiet it is, or how confident you are, you never take the middle urinal in a row of 3.
  • I would try the spicy brown mustard
  • Jerkoff Jerky (better known as Climax, 4.6), is temporarily closed
  • When a bro says watch their bag, you watch their bag. It’s a system of trust.
  • You’re never too old, tall, or big, to get a happy meal.
  • The row behind the emergency row: same amount of legroom, none of the responsibility

DAY 5

On Day 5, we missed our 12:30AM connecting flight from Toronto to Ottawa because our Denver to Toronto flight was delayed by 3.5 hours.  You see, our aircraft was late getting to Denver (from Toronto), because it was late getting to Toronto (from LaGuardia) for reasons I’m sure Air Canada will call “out of their control”.

We were rescheduled on a flight at 7am, so by the time we did land we had like 2 hours to kill before we had to be back at the gate.  Air Canada did give us each free hotel rooms at the Plaza, so we checked-in there, destroyed the bathrooms, watched a few cycles of Sportsnet Central, and got back on the shuttle.

By the time we got back to Ottawa we had all been up for 24+ hours, we were tired, full of rage, and never wanted to see each other again; it was a typical end to a SweatTrip. Can’t wait for the next one.

Final SweatTrip2022 Day 5 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Air Canada was confused by the number of people on the airplane
  • Some nerd tried to take a selfie of himself and his flash went off, and that nerds name was Mark Bond
  • Mark and Craig just undocked
  • Kent is an angry bird
  • Cory doesn’t know what chat he’s in
  • Sleep is for Fucks
  • Last on the bus is first off the bus
  • A memento is bigger than a Mentos
  • I wish I had a shower beer
  • Kent’s shower has a viewing window
  • To avoid getting up early, Cory might just stay in Toronto and start an NCBL sister league, the GTABL, to play in
  • Cory’s back to the top of the order for trip clothes. He smells.
  • Calm down Fucks, I’m putting my pants on.
  • A Crowne Plaza hotel shuttle can fit at least 20 people and a stroller on it
  • Josh tried to smuggle illegal liquids through security
  • I am Shan, or 8 ham
  • The top of the bucket is the hole, and a lid covers the hole so it doesn’t spill.
  • Josh just learned that Asia is a continent
  • I almost got 20% of the SweatSox crushed by a FedEx 18-wheeler.
  • The clock in my truck is 12 hours off
  • Josh didn’t clean up his garbage recycling from the back seat door
  • SweatTrip accounting is as accurate as SweatSox team accounting
  • It’s cheaper to eat a parking ticket in the employee lot than pay for 4 days of parking at YOW
  • Josh is done with planes. Trains, busses, and boats are still in play.

Next up in the SweatTrip Stadium Tour Series is SweatTrip2023, tentatively scheduled for Tokyo, Japan.  Any member of the SweatSox who is willing to spend between $6,900-$14,000 should contact Craig Cornell ASAP, or forever hold your peace.

Final SweatTrip2023 Notes/Thoughts:

  • Josie’s on a vacation far away
  • Come around and talk it over
  • So many things that I want to say
  • You know I like my girls a little bit older
  • I just want to use your love

#TONIGHT

PS- The Rockies lost all 3 games, I think.