NEPEAN– On August 4th, with a 15-7 win over the Capitals, the SweatSox clinched a playoff spot in the 2022 Tier 3 Playoffs. Down 1 heading into the 6th inning, the SweatSox exploded for 9 runs, securing the W for closer Eric White, who threw the final 2 in relief of starter Josh Ramage, who threw great just fine for 5.
This was a big game for the SweatSox, as evident by the rare in-person meeting of our Powers That Be in the parking lot before the game. From what I could overhear, they were over-analyzing the 3-4-5 spots in the batting order for that night. Real nerdy stuff. They should’ve just asked me: bat Cory, the hottest hitter we’ve got, and he’s been swinging well lately too, 3rd. Nothing else will make a difference. Done.
Ross Hughes graced us with his presence against the Capitals, and came through clutch during the big 6th inning rally. The Merchandise kept reminding us all night that he had the game winning RBI, scoring Cory from second after being waved in by 3rd base coach Ramage. We suspect Josh was trying to sabotage Eric’s potential win by sending CBond, someone so broken and slow, home on a hard base hit to right. Whatever his reasons were, it worked out for the team. Yay team.
Drew Clark-Brewin, who’s time with us is nearly expired, had himself a game behind the plate. Hammer made 2 catches in foul territory, a SweatSox game/season/and probably career record, and also threw out a would-be base-stealer at 3rd. The only thing he couldn’t do was block Josh’s Dukes that bounced on home plate. We weren’t surprised though, later that night we learned that years earlier DCB was unable to block the big tornado that swept through his Arlington Woods neighbourhood and destroying his home, displacing him for 9 months. Drew, if you can block a tornado, you can block the Double D. Get to practicing.
While it was a good day for the SweatSox, it was a scary night for some of the SweatSox Mom’s. Momma Johnston (real name unknown) was in the stands, and was nearly TKO’d by a foul ball hit by her now least favourite son. She is fine now. Elsewhere, Momma Bond (real name unknown) was watching on our live scoring app, and was not happy with Capitals starter Riley McGee, who plunked both her boys. Cory got it in the leg and is fine, Cop got it in the head, but there’s not much up there anyways so no new issues to report. And finally, to top it all off, my mom, Momma Keay (real name Shauna Roberta Keay), was not pleased when I told her on our nightly call how much of the team gum she donated to us I still had left. I promised to share more moving forward.
Sorry for all the worries SweatSox Moms. We love you. xoxoxo
The SweatSox have had many memorable guests stop by the Hyjinx over the years: The Casselman Boys in Orleans, the working girl in Hull, and of course Bryce Harper in Philadelphia. Well, we can now add one more legend to this list: the Texas Poutine Stabber at Hakim. This armed suspect stopped by during the TBF Chew, and offered us $20 (and then $200) to be an accessory to one of her crimes. Interestingly, the half eaten poutine was not up for negotiation. Fortunately for us, and the future of the SweatSox, we saw right through this grift and were able to get away with all our limbs and organs intact. The same can’t be said for my now defiled truck, which I had to get rid of right then and there, much like you’d do to a vehicle that had an awful smell that wouldn’t go away.
Final SweatSox vs Capitals Notes/Thoughts:
- Kent has a headache, and it’s tall-can shaped.
- If you could have someone narrate your life, Craig chooses Vin Scully, Ross chooses Ozzy Ozbourne, and Josh chooses a hot topless female wrestler.
- Bumgarner should’ve eaten the snake.
- We think Cop was trying to tell us about boob day on the bench last game.
- Josh declined Kent’s unmistakable golf invitation.
- I need some plausible deniability.
- A falcon is in Craig’s house of wheels.
- Kent is as cool as a cucumber, and cucumbers grow best between 75 and 85 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Liddy is living the East Coast Lifestyle.
- Ross only falls for thirst traps.
- Josh finally figured out how to bold something.
- Josh and Larry are not special, we are all fat too.
- If you’re going to scout the local basketball talent, bring a clipboard and a whistle and stand on the court, don’t use binoculars from the bushes.
- Craig believes bunting for your own stats is fine, but bunting for the betterment of the team is ridiculous.
- Ross crushed. He’s just slow.
- We have the Bond Brothers, the Blunt Brothers, and now we have the Bunt Brothers.
- Josh is the circle’s jerk.
- It’s not polite to talk about popping someone’s rib cherry.
- Ross is now paid up, but he’s not the Murdock.
- The SweatSox are 4-0 in games that Mark Bond has played in.
- The SweatSox now have a sex doctor: Dr. Josh Ramage.
- Cory hit 2 doubles at the Sportsplex, and 1 double at the dinner table.
- Josh is a Basic Bitch, per the waitress.
- Justine ordered salt and pepper wings, not salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt salt and pepper wings.
- All wraps are roll ups, but not all roll ups are wraps.
- I, Shaun Keay, was right about the stolen base scenario.
- It was Brad Pitt who threw the water bottle at Pietro Maximoff.
- Shoutout to Keith Fenwick!
- Kent was very conflicted throughout the day. It was raining, but it’s an early Splex game on a Thursday:
