KANATA– You and your baseball team were playing against the Coyotes the other day…
In our one and only matchup with the Coyotes this year, the SweatSox dug deep and overcame deficits of 1-0 and 2-1, to defeat the “wolf-like wild dogs native to North America” 7-2 last night at Kinsmen.
It was a makeshift lineup for the SweatSox, who were missing a combined 5x Dorion MVP winners for a variety of believable excuses:
- Craig Cornell (wedding)
- Kent Johnston (golf fatigue)
- Marc Lett (pool fatigue)
- Chris Lidstone (dinner reservation)
Fortunately, we were able to call up a couple of our #1 spares to help round out the lineup, including Dillon “the Asshole” Lowry, and Nicolas “Nikolaj” Groves. Most importantly though, University of Ottawa top prospect, and our newest signee Jack “O’Lantern” McLaughlin was scheduled to make his NCBL debut, anchoring our outfield with all-stars Johnston and Lidstone both “out”. Unfortunately, Jack “et” never showed up, citing one or all of the following reasons:
- Still on his way back from a buddies cottage
- Hitching a ride with friend, who left later than he wanted
- Does not have his baseball gear
- He’s grown out of his baseball pants
- His glove is at his parents house, and they can’t find it
- He’s running late
If it was anyone else, he would’ve been cut on the spot, but for Jack “Knife” McLaughlin, we’ll give him one more chance.
I, Shaun Keay, was the last one to arrive at the ballpark. My pregame nap went longer than expected, and I did make it to the field before the game started, but after the lineup was already written out, so I was cut from the starting unit. Truth be told, I’m still suffering from a bit of PTSD from the Winchester base-trip catastrophe, so I was kind of hoping to sit this one out, so I pulled a Cypress.
Once everyone who was supposed to be at the game was at the game, we had to find a starting pitcher. We used the age old “process of elimination” to make this very important decision:
- Mark Bond wasn’t physically or mentally ready to make his return to the mound
- Eric White is shut down until playoffs
- Ross Hughes had to catch
- Dillon Lowry had just thrown earlier in the day in the gruelling Lanark League
- John Groves had closed our game 48 hours earlier
- Josh Ramage was not going to take the ball, only to have it taken away the moment he let a couple baserunners on
- I, Shaun Keay, showed up too late and didn’t have time to see if my knuckler was dancing
- Eric White hasn’t taught Jaspreet Sanghra how to pitch, yet
- Kyle Stewart won’t ever pitch again after giving up a slam to Scott Willis in his last outing for the Black Sox
- Nick Groves has his heart set on making his official SweatSox pitching debut in Winchester
So by default, SweatSox reliever Cory Bond had to make the emergency start; his first start since 2019 when he faced these same Coyotes at Brewer Park, and then threw up all over Marc Lett’s backyard later that night. He’d also have to manage this game, since both other “Powers” were M.I.A..
It took our GLE a couple of innings to get used the brand new pearly white baseballs used at the start of games, having been spoiled by the worn out, rubbed down balls he gets to throw at the end of games. The Coyotes jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the 1st, and a 2-1 lead in the 2nd, but the SweatSox answered right away with 5 more runs to take a commanding 6-2 lead, just as the Candyman was finding his stride.
After a leadoff walk in the 3rd, CBond retired the next 9 batters he faced in order (7 by way of K’s), striking out the side definitely once and maybe twice (depending on your exact definition of it). GLE had to call it a day after 5 innings due to a blister on the bottom of his foot due to the shitty cement mound at Kinsmen. Somebody should do something about that!
John Groves pitched the final 2 innings for the non-save close, securing career win #51 for our great lefty, and win #4 for the 2021 SweatSox. It was a 7-2 final for the good guys, and nobody was more pumped about it than catcher Ross Hughes…
MILESTONE ALERT: With 8 K’s in his 5 innings pitched, Cory Bond jumped a couple of spots on the NCBL Career Strike Out Leaderboard. After surpassing Darren Keating (Braves) last week against the Winchester Heat, GLE passed both Brian Merkel and Eric White last night against the Coyotes, and now sits 13th all-time. On a more micro level, Cory as all but certainly locked up the SweatSox Pitcher of the Year title, his first since 2012, and if he can keep the bat hot he might even have an outside shot at the 2021 Dorion.
The SweatSox would like to congratulate our Authority on all his past, present, and future accomplishments. He’s truly an inspiration to all.
You’re next Bayley!!!
The story immediately after the game was the health and safety of SweatSox #9 batter Jaspreet Sanghra, who was HBP for a tier leading 6th time this season. Lucky for him, this was the least egregious of all his hit-by-bitches, having just caught a piece of his jersey; in fact it was so subtle that the umpires didn’t even notice it at first, but after they conferred they agreed to just give him the base, and avoid the possibility of an international incident.
Finally, we have a Kent Rule, we have a Ramage Protocol, and after last night I’m proud to say the SweatSox now have a Keay Accord (not to be confused with my Accolade). The Kent Rule focusses on certain situational offensive strategies, the Ramage Protocol is the basis for outfield positioning when the Duke is on the hill, and the Keay Accord is a post-Hyjinx agreement that ensures the last car is in motion before the second last car leaves the premises…
Naturally, I was one of the last ones to leave the field last night, and for whatever reason my truck wouldn’t start. When I looked around for some help, everyone had already left to get their A&W or JBC’s or candy, leaving me stranded, and alone. I had no choice but to use my phone to actually make an audio call, and see if I could get somebody back to the field to pick me up. Shoutout to my friend and neighbour Cory Bond for answering what I’m sure he thought was a crank call, and saving my recently bleached ass. Best 14 second call of my life.
Turns out it was the starter.
Should’ve pulled it sooner. Zing.
Next up for the SweatSox is our 2021 regular season finale, next Friday night at the Sportsplex vs Team Cuba.
Final SweatSox vs Coyotes 1.0 Notes/Thoughts:
