On Father’s Day, the Keay family had a nice family dinner at the old man’s place. There was steak, some potatoes, and probably some kind of salad. I didn’t bring dad a gift, but he got me an egg carton of Pro V1’s. Why? Because he knows that every single time he sees me, whether it’s Father’s Day, his anniversary, or even his own birthday, he must always, and properly, Acknowledge me!
And now, in my own words (exclusively), a breakdown of Sunday night’s SweatSox vs Rockets matchup:
BEACON HILL– In yet another spectacular display of mediocrity, the SweatSox managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in our Father’s Day clash against the Rockets at Trillium, losing 7-5 to PDG & crew. With our third consecutive loss, it seems like the SweatSox’s 2023 season is spiraling down the drain faster than a buttered pig on a water slide.
The Rockets wasted no time establishing their dominance, piling on four runs in the first inning. It was a lead they managed to cling onto despite the SweatSox’s feeble attempts to close the gap. You know you’re in for a rough day when your opponents start the game by handing you a four-course meal of humble pie.
Josh Ramage took the mound for his fourth start of the year, hoping to turn things around for the SweatSox. Unfortunately, it was a rocky start for him, but to his credit, he powered through and recorded his third consecutive complete game. Our Hero of Hydration gave up 5 earned runs on a whopping 15 hits, with 3 walks and 3 strikeouts. The 15 hits given up was the most since the infamous 2008 Nepean Brewers Tournament, where Josh set many career highs including: runs (18), walks (12), hits (17), and pitches (316) against the eventual tournament champion Burlington Bulls.
Leading the offensive charge for the SweatSox was Eric White, who did whatever was necessary to get on base. With two hits, two HBP’s, and two runs scored, Eric showed great resilience in enduring physical pain. Perhaps that’s the only way the SweatSox can score these days – by taking one for the team, literally. Meanwhile, Craig “Pull Hitter” Cornell defied the Rockets’ scouting report, surprising everyone with a hit to opposite field, a double. Perhaps it was a moment of sweet vindication for Craig, proving that preconceived notions can be shattered in the heat of competition.
As for the SweatSox defense, well, it was mostly forgettable. The exception was first baseman Larry Pawelek, who impressed us from his knees yet again, but this time it was by throwing a runner out at 2nd. Say what you want about him, but Pawelek just knows how to get the job done from that position, every single time. Keep it up, LP!
So, there you have it. The SweatSox’s Father’s Day game was a perfect encapsulation of our 2023 season—a tumultuous rollercoaster ride leading straight into a brick wall. With our third consecutive loss and a performance that left much to be desired, it’s safe to say that the SweatSox are not exactly poised for greatness, unless Larry can hit a few bombs from his knees too.
Close enough…
WHO, ME?- Well, well, well, folks, please gather ’round and regale in the tale of my first ever “I Fucked Up” award victory. In a touching ceremony after the game, Steve Brown took the stage, delivering a beautiful speech about commitment, preparation, and dedication, all the while I stood there in the same clothes I was in all game: my street clothes. Steve couldn’t help but be a tad disturbed by my lack of uniform, explaining that by not suiting up and being ready to play at a moment’s notice, I not only let the team down, I let myself down. It was this moment of sartorial negligence that earned me this prestigious award, and I would like to thank Steve for acknowledging me and the error of my ways. This is no Keay family dinner, we have standards here on the SweatSox. I’d like to offer my most sincere apologies to Downtown and the rest of the team. Won’t happen again.
Final SweatSox vs Rockets Notes/Thoughts:
- The only SweatSox jersey still unaccounted for is Mark Stinson’s #7.
- When the shoelaces come off, bad things will happen.
- Phil Beauregard made his return behind the plate for a SweatSox game! He still owes me a pitcher of beer though.
- Spotted in the stands for most of the game was Stef Leclair, who was still pondering whether or not he was going to play in the Black Sox game across town later that night.
- Neal Phadnis was also on site in an official capacity, he was supervising Stu Hays who was umping on the bases.
- Josh Ramage was jealous that Brad Richardson got to plunk Eric White twice.
- Eric White needs three days of rest after a start until he’s good to go again. Cory Bond needs two weeks. Larry Pawelek needs just 1 cigarette.
- Mike Bayley’s kid once drove a car 33kph in an empty parking lot, which is almost as fast as a Mike Bayley fastball.
- I didn’t have time to get my uniform on because I was chasing all those foul balls. Acknowledge that!
- Larry Pawelek is good at managing loads.
- Trevor Williams is a lizard.
- Sucking on a penny will not beat the R.I.D.E. check.
- Marc Lett draws the line at ass licking with a razor.
- The only rule when passing around a box of Timbits is there are no rules.
- The SweatSox are great at keeping secrets.
- Larry Pawelek is 2 hits away from career hit #300.
- Mike Pignat is 1 stolen base away from career stolen base #100.
- Larry Pawelek has struck out exactly 69 times in his NCBL career.
- We now know why Trevor Williams doesn’t wear any layers, Mike Pignat took them all.
- Old Lady Gladys can pinch run for Larry Pawelek any time.
- If pops wasn’t pitching like a bitch, he would’ve struck the kid out and not gotten smashed in the face. IN THE FAAAAAACE.
- Mike Pignat’s fart set off a car alarm.
- Larry Pawelek only drinks 90%, but somehow pisses an extra 900%.
- Mike Pignat was saddened to hear about the passing of Macho Man Randy Savage.
- Trevor Williams’ urine is so manly, so powerful, that packs of racoons are drawn to it.
- Is gravy a condiment?
- Josh Ramage Homer’d himself at the thought of a second piece of gum.
- I, Shaun Keay, have Tennis Elbow. Cory Bond has Golfer’s Elbow.
- Josh Ramage would like the Commissioner to explain why the SweatSox play at 6:10pm on Sunday, July 30th, when every other Sunday game in the NCBL always starts at 6:00pm. Conspiracy!!
NEXT UP- Get ready for another riveting showdown as the SweatSox take on the Nepean Padres this Thursday night at the friendly confines of Kinsmen field, with a scheduled start time of 6:10pm.
#WONTHEHYJINX