Last night at the Sportsplex, for the 23rd time in the history of the universe, the SweatSox and Metcalfe Mudd faced off in an NCBL regular season game. With a losing record (10-12) against the Mudd, and looking to improve to 2-0 for the first time since the season Cory Bond & Josh Ramage combined to throw an opening day no-hitter, The Wizard Martin Trepanier got the call for his first SweatSox start. Up until about 6:13pm, 2 minutes before the scheduled start time, it looked like this could be one of the easiest wins in franchise history, a 7-0 default; but somehow the Mudd found a few stragglers to create a starting lineup. The SweatSox had no such problem, with 14 guys dressed & ready to play an hour before game time.
The Mudd wasted no time jumping on our offseason acquisition, as The Wizard’s former Diamondback teammate The Ryan Chow knocked an opposite field triple, and later scored on an error assisted dirty double steal.
The SweatSox tied the game in the bottom of the 1st after Eric White, who had just finished complaining about sore legs, ran out an infield single, stole two bases, and scored on a Chris Lidstone groundout.
The game remained tied 1-1 until the 4th inning, when I (Shaun Keay), knocked in The Wizard and Director (Kent Johnston) on a bases clearing double to straight center. I’d like to thank Coach Cory for not taking me out of the game before that at bat after giving him the option to do so. After striking out in my previous plate appearance, I think Cory was secretly hoping I’d get up & strike out 3 more times. Veteran move.
The two-run SweatSox lead was cut in half a half inning later, when a Rudy Vallejos leadoff HR brought “Ball Chasing” Kent back in our lives. Ottawa police detectives: if there are any unsolved cases of a Meadowlands fence jumper in the 1990’s, Blanka may be your guy. I’ve never seen someone climb over a fence so quickly and so smoothly.
The SweatSox got their 2-run lead back in the bottom of the 5th, when Trep hit a double that scored Chris Lidstone all the way from first base. The story here was Mr. Mindy’s journey from 1st to home. Things looked good from first to second, and he picked up speed from second to third, but that’s where things took a turn for the worse. Just after rounding third, Lidstone started running as if someone just stuck the new anti-award we’re tentatively calling the Odlid, up his you-know-what. We’d later learn Lidstone did something to his back mid-run, we sent him to the Doctor who tried to patch him up, but that didn’t seem to work out. UPGRADE!
With a two-run lead and 2 innings to go, it was a perfect time for Eric White’s first save opportunity of the season. He started off pretty much exactly where he left off last game in Winchester (with a couple walks), but a well-timed mound visit from the Fisherman where I can only assume they talked about anything but baseball, settled him down leading to 6 outs over the next 7 batters. SweatSox 4, Mudd 2. Final.
The winner of the 2004 A&W Kamloops International Baseball Game MVP Award is: Martin Trepanier; his 5 innings on the mound and 2 hits at the plate earned him his first ever medal. The winner of the anti-award Odlid, for dropping a great throw from Mark Stinson on a steal attempt is: John Groves [2B]. Please claim your prize at your earliest convenience, and return it fully clean & sanitized.
The Après Baseball Hyjinx was hosted by Andrew Elias, who only brought 24 beers and 1 Coke for 15 players. Guess Brownshow didn’t get the memo that the 2014 Hyjinx is a 48-beer, 2-Coke minimum. It was in one of the outer Hyjinx-circles we learned that while the SweatSox may have been established in 1981 (#sweatsox34), our remaining years are numbered. Turns out one of The Wizard’s special powers is making NCBL teams disappear (see Dragons, Diamondbacks, Pirates, Gryphons). We had a good run, but it looks like the much talked about split & drop may be happening sooner rather than later.
Later in the Hyjinx, Josh Ramage, who is almost fully recovered from the Winchester flu, was telling a story about how he’s thinking about doing renovations on his house. His two biggest complaints were: 1) not really liking his current bathtub, and 2) he really wanted to replace his worn-out carpets. Trying to be efficient and buy both from the same supplier, he looked up Ottawa tub and rugs on the Internet, or so he thought. In reality, he mixed up a couple letters and actually “Googled Ottawa rub and tugs.”
Before picking up the beer, Andrew found some time earlier in the day to get his car fully detailed. His whole car was washed, waxed, and vacuumed, all for the low price of $14.69. Denver Hunt, who by the way is a game or two away from returning to action, called B.S. on that great deal, so he actually crawled into the car, and was “sniffing brown shows trunk”.
When Part 1 of the Hyjinx was wrapping up, Brownshow proceeded with a questionable cleanup strategy: Putting all the beer cans in the cooler, dumping the cooler, and then re-filling the cooler.
With 6 SweatSox left to continue the Hyjinx, we decided to head over to East Sides. It took a little longer than usual to order the drinks, which we initially blamed on Eric & Chris who didn’t seem to know what they wanted, but it turns out Eric was actually ordering Ramage a surprise “Cotton Candy Cosmo” as a counter for Ramage trying to order Eric & Chris a “Couples Pitcher Deluxe”. This would’ve included a pitcher of beer, no cups, two straws, and a cherry on top. As a tribute to Eric’s clever reversal, Ramage agreed to drink his beer the rest of the night out of the cocktail glass.
Next up was the Bus Cop, who once again tried to explain the concept of “icing” someone in hopes this would become a Hyjinx “thing”. Here’s the top hit Urban Dictionary explanation:
After the majority of the table agreed it was stupid (minus Chris who is a seasoned vet of this game), Cop went to the bathroom, immediately followed by Chris; it could have been the other way around depending on who you ask. It was at this point it was joked about that a Smirnoff Ice should be ordered, and hidden for either Cop or Chris to find; and since both respect the rules of this “game” so much, they’d have to follow through. Eric jumped at the chance to spend more money on another prank, and so the trap was set…
As a thank you for icing him, Cop “fed” Eric his cherry, but it was really more just teabagging him with it.
All night long, Lidstone kept talking about wanting to take a picture holding a pitcher, with a pitcher. Well Christopher, the SweatSox make dreams come true:
At the end of the night, Eric wanted to make one more addition to his Mr. Hyjinx Two Thousand Fourteen bid, by driving home in this Party City shopping cart. Much like Kim, Eric was never seen again.
Actually, Eric wants to win every SweatSox award so he’s not going anywhere. Knowing what it took for OMG to win the Odlid earlier in the night, Eric did his best Groves impression to rip that award away:
Next up for the SweatSox was supposed to be a matchup with the Winchester Sox at the Stadium tonight, but I just got a text/picture from The Authority that the game is cancelled due to poor field conditions:
A boxscore from the SweatSox-Mudd game can be found by clicking here.
Next up for the SweatSox is a matchup against the Expos on Sunday at the Sportsplex (6:00pm).
#WONTHEHYJINX