The first SweatSox practice of the year took place this past Friday at Kinsmen, which couldn’t have been any more convenient for me since I live right next door. Unfortunately for everyone involved, I had a client in Saskatoon who needed my services, so I had to bail on practice and take a weekend business trip to the prairies. My sincerest apologies to not only the SweatSox but also the Panthers, who reportedly were asking every SweatSock if they were Shaun Keay. I’ll be at the Alliance practice on Friday (I think), and for the record, this is I (Shaun Keay):
In what should’ve been two championship winning teams coming together on the field to better each other, I’m hearing practice started much like a junior high school dance, with the boys together in LF and the girls together in RF, afraid to make the first move. This never would’ve happened if I, Shaun Keay, were there.
There were pre-practice discussions about who could supply an L-Screen for the Alliance. Kent Johnston made one a couple years ago, but it died seconds after it’s first every practice, and it’s parts “cremated”. Thankfully, there was access to one at Kinsmen so the Panthers pitchers didn’t need to worry about being struck. The SweatSox pitchers were never in danger, since they only give up deep fly balls, warning track shots, and homeruns.
@PMA_Panthers We made one a few years ago. It lasted about 14 minutes. pic.twitter.com/nLzHU2mJTp
— SweatSox (@SweatSox) May 1, 2015
Before practice could officially start, the SweatSox needed their traditional pre-practice pep talk, and who better to give it than recently appointed Assistant Coach to his offspring’s team: Armando Navarro. I wasn’t there, but I’m sure it was very insightful, emotional, and set the tone for the entire season.
The Alliance practiced for just under an hour and a half, and ended after the Panthers walked off the field while Ross Hughes was batting. We aren’t sure whether it was Ross’ hitting, or Mark Stinson’s pitching that chased them off the field; either reason was acceptable though. I’m hearing the rest of the SweatSox were equally uninspiring, with only our reigning MVP Cory Bond earning a post-practice Panther Poach. If the Panthers were impressed with his warning track power from home plate, they should see what I can do from the Kinsmen backstop.
@sweatsox @pma_panthers that would be a soft poach pic.twitter.com/b8cvWEumTa
— Nepean Brewers (@nepeanbrewers) April 28, 2015
The Après Baseball Hyjinx was hosted by our opening day starter: Cory Bond, who set the Hyjinx tone with 48 Alexander Keith tallboys. It didn’t take long for the SweatSox to catch each other up on what they’ve been listening to over the offseason..
I’m told the SweatSox also discussed, in length, how prepared we’d be if the NCBL were to implement a Sexual Diversity rule. I’ve got a sneaky suspicion we wouldn’t need to make any extra roster moves to pass inspection.
It was at this point in the night that the remaining Panthers checked-in at the Hyjinx. It was the closest the Panthers had been to the circle since the infamous Odlid throwing incident of 2014. The two managers finally got together to compare notes, and “accidentally” revealed something I’ve suspected for years, every NCBL manager overcharges their players so they don’t have to pay their own league fees.
Other topics of conversation between Panthers/SweatSox management included: a beer schedule vs a pay-as-you-go system, the 2003 West End Warriors team that was rejected by the league, and extending the Alliance into the Brewers tournament should we be refused entry, and possibly even further for the Peterborough tournament.
Some random notes that I don’t quite have the full context of:
- Mark “Bus Cop” Bond cost the Panthers $440
- Tinder is the straight Grindr
- Some Cardinals don’t know where Faulkner is
- Ian Stewart still can’t dunk
- Is it possible to Hyjinx at a Farm Boy salad bar?
- Pom-pom-less SweatSox toques may be the next team purchase
- Only OMS wished Josh a happy birthday
- Only Mindy congratulated Bridget on her engagement
The SweatLympics portion of the evening took place at Summerhays, where Chairman Josh Ramage declared a Wing-Off was the next event. It was a 6 way tie between everyone there (minus Cop who got a side poutine), so the Chairman broke the tie as follows: Craig Cornell wins the gold medal because he got the green sword of power; Marc Lett came second because he ate all his wings just like he does everything else, with his right hand; and he, Josh Ramage, gave himself the bronze for reasons unknown. Mark Bond lost 50 points for, well, being Mark Bond.
The SweatLympic Leaderboard through 3 events:
Finally, I’d like to thank everyone who sent me information after practice on Friday, including: Craig Cornell, Tim Gautam, Ross Hughes, Phil Johnson, Steve Smith, and the many others who wanted to remain anonymous.
Next up for the SweatSox is, weather permitting, a Southgate practice at 8:30pm tonight.
