14 Incredible Things I’ve Learned So Far In Quarantine

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I, Shaun Keay, learned so much this past week. But now it is time for you to learn what I’ve learned. Take notes, I’m only going to say this once:

  1. If you are in a gay threesome, the middle is where you’d want to be.
  2. Volume 3 is right up Ross Hughes’ alley.
  3. 6914 > 6834
  4. If you summon me, you’d better have a good reason.
  5. Most of the SweatSox are a bunch of seat belt-wearing cowards.
  6. Umpires don’t count as people.
  7. Kevin Bacon up in this shit.
  8. Ross Hughes bronzes.
  9. Eric White is the SweatSox Hans Moleman.
  10. ACB, Always Cover Balls.
  11. I’m not sure what’s bushier, the Pinecrest junior diamond grass or Jaspreet Sanghra’s beard.
  12. I know it’s small but I’ve been growing it for months.
  13. Ross Hughes was, is, and will always be a schmedium.
  14. There is still no insurance for any team activities.
  15. We had insurance?
  16. The WestJet refund policy is store credit. The NCBL refund policy is between you and your team. The SweatSox refund policy is go fuck yourself.
  17. Kent Johnston’s online presence is increasing by the day.
  18. It’s the principle of the thing, sir.
  19. The SweatSox are looking to enter a few tournaments in PEI this June.
  20. Cory Bond does not believe in worlds colliding.
  21. Josh Ramage’s quarantine pubes are now 2 inches long.
  22. Kent Johnston had uncomfortable shits at Mark Bond’s wedding.
  23. We’re number 1.
  24. The SweatSox have an abundance of Andrew Fucko’s on our team.
  25. Mark Bond was no match for the killer wasp.
  26. ABH, Always Be Hydrating.
  27. Ross Hughes is the SweatSox Designated Driver.
  28. Jaspreet Sanghra and Justine White want Eric White to ABS, Always Be Swelling.
  29. Chris Lidstone likes KFC.
  30. Josh Ramage highly recommends the Bumper Dumper.
  31. Chris Lidstone and Josh Ramage attended the same wrestling event way back in 1992.
  32. Mark Bond is a terrible re-poster.
  33. Mark Bond is a dick head.
  34. The rich kids throw away loonies and toonies like they’re worthless.
  35. The Nikes on my feet keep my cypher complete.
  36. Nike Nike Nike-Nike Nike-Nike Nike Nike Nikes.
  37. The Nikes on my feet keep my cypher complete.
  38. Cory Bond’s are real, and they’re SPECTACULAR.
  39. Beer is mandatory during conference calls on mental health.
  40. Kent Johnston gives This Is The End one thumb up ?? and one thumb down ??.
  41. “The great thing about being a girl is that when you get soul-crushing news you can just look down and play with your titties until you’re ok again.” -Sarah
  42. Ross Hughes does rather enjoy the occasional titty grab.
  43. If someone is dumb enough to send money to the wrong person twice, then they’re an idiot.
  44. Craig Cornell is pretty certain he broke a toe cleaning his “hit” tub.
  45. Marc Lett’s Pool > Cory Bond’s Pool > Kent Johnston’s Pool.
  46. Ross Hughes is the SweatSox Moe Lester.