14 Intoxicating Things I’ve Learned So Far In Quarantine

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So I guess Kent and I look alike now.

  1. You’ve got to think of your fans, think of everybody.
  2. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the Kent “Green Needle” Johnston!
  3. In theory, Sprite helps to accelerate the metabolic pathway that breaks down an alcohol byproduct (acetaldehyde) which is thought to cause a hangover – but practical studies in mice didn’t show any benefit. —Int. J. Mol. Sci. 2016, 17, 354-366.
  4. Cory Bond didn’t come close to catching it.
  5. Craig Cornell has not opened the International Journal of Molecular Science before, but he suspects it is helpful as a sleep aid.
  6. Weed and McD’s is the best hangover cure, and gives you the shits.
  7. 1 of Kelly One’s margaritas contains 57 different fluids.
  8. Kent Johnston is sober enough to know what he’s doing, and drunk enough to really enjoy it.
  9. Craig Cornell has a problem with the sudden or violent start of something unwelcome, such as war, disease, etc.
  10. Marc Lett likes to put his hands in the air, and wave them around like he just doesn’t care.
  11. Kent Johnston believes all media sucks.
  12. There is both an outbreak of hunger and laziness going on right now at 3065 Shepody.
  13. What about the baseball? What about the baseball?
  14. Ahhh, this show ain’t no good.
  15. God Bless the people of Ontario.
  16. Ross Hughes will make sure the soap is present at the schools.
  17. Some of the Phillies players aren’t very good, but for sure they’re better than the SweatSox.
  18. Kent Johnston metaphorically showed himself out.
  19. Josh Ramage is the SweatSox Dwight Kurt Schrute III.
  20. Kent Johnston is not Mark Bond.
  21. Josh Ramage is a fan of the Biebs.
  22. Marc Lett is calling for the end of the MLB season.
  23. Craig Cornell believes it’s tough to pass up 3 billion dollars.
  24. Ross Hughes is pumped for a 2-1 season.
  25. You‘re supposed to bunt the ball before it hits you in the nutsack.
  26. We’ve got ourselves a driver for the SweatBus.
  27. Drive angry.
  28. The “Bill Freeman” has multiple definitions
    1. The 2 thumb driving method.
    2. Always maintain eye contact with the stripper.
    3. Always pick someone up in times of need.
  29. Ross Hughes doesn’t recommend taking any of our advice, except…
  30. Ass, Grass, or Gas, no one rides for free.
  31. Uncle Marc has more experience, a pool, high cholesterol, and gout.
  32. “Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done.” I too, wrote that down.
  33. Josh Ramage hopes to learn something new every day. I, Shaun Keay, learn like 76 new things a week.
  34. Kent Johnston has 282 days to get in the best shape of his life.
  35. Kent Johnston had a double 69 double rainbow.
  36. Ross Hughes broke Kent Johnston’s brakes.
  37. That week Mark Bond wasn’t around, was a nice week.
  38. Nobody wants to be #70.
  39. Marc Lett hasn’t seen Policy Academy in a while.
  40. Mark Bond’s dad is a great dad.
  41. Craig Cornell’s master password is not: GBtPoO
  42. 2:44pm is 5 minutes earlier than 2:49pm.
  43. Kent Johnston has issues with ID10T5.
  44. The NCBL season wasn’t cancelled due to the rules. It was cancelled due to the virus. The rules are there to keep us and our community safe. They could have created a league within the rules, they just didn’t want to. Rant over. Good rant.
  45. It’s takes 1 document to rule them all.
  46. Our 1st Tier 2 playoff series win was against the Athletics.
  47. There was an umpire named Michel. Gussy made him quit.
  48. There are no bubbles in Cuba.
  49. Josh Ramage is a Brainstorm truther.
  50. Ezekiel fucked Tony’s mom beside that fire over there.
  51. Craig Cornell does not know who the Bubble Boy is.
  52. Cory Bond misses Chris Lidstone quite a bit.
  53. Sometimes you just run out of characters on Twitter and have to cut some initials.
  54. Marc Lett is unmounted.
  55. Marc Lett is more Gil Grissom than Horatio Caine.
  56. Kent Johnston only counts the W’s.
  57. G. Steinberg screwed K. Johnston.
  58. R.I.P. Dick Wantz, #25, Los Angeles Angels.
  59. That was a strange rabbit hole to end up down.
  60. Craig Cornell would never play for Derek Jeter.
  61. Rob Harbic once skateboarded to a game, got 3 hits, then roller bladed home.
  62. Shawn Michaels now seriously regrets betraying Marty Jannetty at the Barber Shop.
  63. Craig Cornell supports Kent Johnston’s awesome dimensions.
  64. Kent Johnston is not enticed.
  65. Let’s hit hard tonight.
  66. Wait a minute, that’s James Brian Hellwig’s music!
  67. The Braves organist playing Beat It for Reese McGuire’s at bat was amazing.
  68. There were no invites to Ross Hughes’ backyard party.
  69. Nice.
  70. Mark Bond + Mark Calloway = Ray Romano.
  71. Marc Lett reminds himself once a day that Mike Piazza used to work on his swing at the beach.
  72. Kent Johnston doesn’t like excuses.
  73. Josh Ramage is always coming.
  74. Mark Bond’s favorite Pokemon is Ditto.
  75. It’s Bo Bi Chette.
  76. Mark Bond is no Jigsaw.