It was a busy couple of weeks in the National Capital Baseball League, with happenings taking place across several of the NCBL’s digital platforms. Fortunately for you, only one person has the testicular fortitude to go through everything, filter out the nonsense, and break it all down in one convenient location; that person is I, Shaun Keay, and that location is right here.
1. Facebook Free Agency
There were 2 Free Agents looking for work on Facebook since last we spoke, including:
- The male 40 year old who is hoping his 8th post is the one that finally gets him signed.
- A 17 year old high school student who will be studying General Arts at uOttawa this fall.
Good luck to both players looking for teams. Can’t wait for Message #9.
2. Player Registration
So according to NCBL Twitter, everyone needs to register online before they take the field in 2021 (or whenever).
Funny thing is, the SweatSox haven’t heard anything about this from our Authority, Cory Bond. I suppose it’s possible that because the SweatSox never actually pay any league fees, we don’t need to go through with registration. I’ll look into it.
3. The Rockets New Sponsorship Deal
After a year of on-and-off lockdowns and stay-at-home orders, the Rockets have finally had enough of their families, and have dropped them as their title sponsor.
The Rockets announced that they were no longer putting their “family first”, and are aligning with Rain Soft Ottawa to solve all their water treatment and league fee issues. Whether or not this new sponsor will help them hit a 14 mph Josh Ramage gravity ball is still to be determined.
Congratulations to the Rockets on their new sponsorship agreement, and for earning an official NCBL retweet. As you may have guessed, the SweatSox never got a NCBL RT when we announced our Manscaped, PornHub, or Stittsville sponsorships over the years.
4. The Ottawa Ravens
The Winchester Sox are dead (although sadly their Twitter account is not). New management took their time coming up with an original, creative new name for this very average franchise, and after a couple months of focus groups and internal debates, the Carleton Ravens coaching staff turned NCBL owners have named their new team:
The Ottawa Ravens
On a scale of 1 to 10, or Brewers to SweatSox, I’d rate that NCBL name a 4, so like an Expos. The Ravens get a few points for not naming themselves after an active MLB franchise, but to have it the same as a University team you also manage is pretty weak, unless this is all so you can get free jerseys.
Here are a few free suggestions for next time:
- Centretown Cupchecks
- LeBreton Flatulence
- Parliament Penetrators
- Downtown Labia Majoras
- Golden Triangle Showers
- Andrew Haydon Hazards
- Carp Carp
- St. Patrick Street Lyons
- Vanier Vaping Vultures
West End Warriors
5. Lockdown Extended
Late last week, the Ontario Government, on the advice of their buddies, announced they were extending the province-wide stay-at-home order for two more weeks until June 2nd; so no NCBL season until at least the beginning of June.
At least we can stay active with a few rounds at Ross Hughes’ golf course.
Fore.
Teen.
6. R.I.P. Coach Craig
There was a lot of collateral damage from the the stay-at-home order extension, but none more devastating than the likely end of Craig Cornell’s Little League coaching career. Coach Craig’s tenure ends with 0 losses on his resume, setting him up as an eventual first ballot South Ottawa Little League Hall of Famer.
7. John Mendonca’s Pee House
John Mendonca, manager of the “Rassettica Testing Living The Dream Orleans Lynx” is known throughout the league for his extremely small bladder, and apparently it’s only getting worse with age. His teammates are reporting that as each season passes it’s getting harder and harder for the SweatSox alum to get through a ball game without having to take multiple trips to the bathroom, and at some ballparks it’s really hard to find a good spot to go.
Over the weekend, the Tier 4 President helped his cause and was spotted purchasing a brand new Porta Potty, that he can bring to each game and set up by his dugout, so when he needs to go, he can go.
We thought we were pretty innovative, but this is impressive.
8. Happy Mothers Day
Finally, a very belated Happy Mothers Day to my mom, the one and only Mrs. Keay. Love you mom. Say hi to dad (Rob Keay) for me.
Yours,
Shaun Keay
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9. SPECIAL BONUS: Lawrence Pawelek is Shredded
The SweatSox would like to take a moment and acknowledge the physical transformation of longtime Duke Larry Pawelek. The Banana Hammock has obviously been working out extremely hard over the past few months to get his body ready for the upcoming summer, and it shows. No word if he’s quit smoking yet.
