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Exactly 14 days, 6 hours, and 9 minutes ago, the NCBL held the annual Winter Meeting in Hall F, not E, of the Nepean Sportsplex. As always, despite being the Tier 3 spokesman on the NCBL’s Social Media Committee, I was not in attendance, but over the last two weeks I’ve had several sources slide into my DM’s and fill me in on what took place.
Here’s how it all went down…
Welcome Team North Korea
The first order of business was to promote Team North Korea to full status members of the NCBL. Team North Korea, represented by Jason Park (aka Cory Bond’s 500th strikeout victim), were accepted into the league, despite a small political protest from Black Sox manager Lou Jong-un.
Keeping’s Corner – An Umpire Fireside Chat
During his State of the Umpires Address, Umpire-in-Chief Keeping accidentally let slip one of the NCBL Umpires’ deepest darkest secrets: Several high profile NCBL umpires, himself included, have been illegally officiating our games.
I’m no legal expert (because I don’t have a license), but I have to assume that if you need a drivers license to drive, or a medical license to practice medicine, then clearly you must have your umpires license in order to umpire. Per CoachKeep’s impromptu confession, many of our umpires are not up-to-date, and haven’t been for a while.
This easily explains how every umpire always seems to get every call wrong (per the player and/or team that the call went against). Seriously though, there’s no way an umpire with proper credentials calls strike three on Craig Cornell after he throws his bat believing it was ball four. No way.
Neal Phadnis was not happy the secret’s out…
Big Blue also reminded everyone that he’s always looking to recruit new umpire talent, even if it’s only to work a couple of games on bases each year. Active players currently on rosters are especially welcome. Sources say Josh Ramage of the SweatSox, who is also one of my two best friends, is answering the call, promising to do a several Tier 1 games to show all the other umpires how to properly call a game. “Damage Ramage” is most looking forward to working with Seb, so he can become the first ever umpire to eject a fellow umpire from a game.
NCBLmoney at gmail dot com
It was a rare in-person appearance for NCBL Treasurer Craig Cornell, who historically has always ignored the Winter Meeting so he could be with his kids at whatever extracurricular activity they’ve got going that day, including but not limited to: basketball, soccer, taekwondo, gymnastics, hockey, pickleball, and of course Future Baseball Broadcasters of Canada camp. Craig is a great dad, but a terrible representative of the league’s financial department.
Despite Treasurer Cornell showing up to the meeting without any financial statements in hand, there was one major development as it related to league monies. In an effort to reduce known corruption at the treasurer level, the league announced Craig will no longer be allowed to deposit league funds into his personal bank account, where he’s been skimming off the top for years.
Party’s over pal.
GTFO
The NCBL got a bit smaller this offseason with the announcement that 4 franchises have permanently folded: the Kingston Ponies, Sharks, Dukes, and Cornwall River Rats.
The Kingston Ponies will be remembered as the 5-time Tier 1 pennant winners, who never got it done in the playoffs. More importantly though, they were the first, and to date only team the SweatSox have ever beaten at the Brewer Tournament. RIP.
The Sharks legacy is almost as impressive as the Ponies. Without the Sharks, the SweatSox may never have signed one of our greatest players of all time, our Tier 1 Most Valuable Player: Chris Lidstone. Mr. Vettore played his first two NCBL seasons with the Sharks (2011-12), before being poached by the SweatSox in 2013, a move that directly led to 2 championship titles. RIP.
The Dukes, one of the original 4 teams from the 1981 pre-ORBL inaugural season, threw in the towel with just 1 championship over their 40+ year history. They will not be missed by anyone, except for Brian Yabsley, who now has nowhere to play.
And what can we say about the Cornwall River Rats that hasn’t already been said… Here’s a quick story I haven’t ever told: Back in 2013 we faced Cornwall in the Tier 2 finals. We were down 2 games to nothing, and fought back to force a deciding game 5. In that final game, we were down 2 runs heading into the bottom of the 7th. We loaded the bases after a walk (Stinson), single (MBond), and walk (CBond), setting the stage for Marc Lett to hit a walkoff grand slam, winning the game, and the championship, for the SweatSox. RIP.
NCBL Free Agent Frenzy
The league made a point of reminding the general managers that poaching players from other teams during the offseason is not only completely legal, it’s basically encouraged. That, combined with the 4 teams calling it a day, and with an average of 17.25 players on those teams (we did the math so you don’t have to), the NCBL waiver wire is as crowded as ever.
I, Shaun Keay, asked around, and here’s what the NCBL insiders are hearing about player movement this offseason:
Just about every Kingston Pony is up for grabs, save for Derek Howe, who will be playing with the Kanata Athletics again this year. Howe will look to legitimately qualify for the playoffs in 2023, by actually playing in enough games to qualify.
Upon hearing the announcement that the Sharks had folded, several teams showed immediate interest in acquiring some of their more valuable assets (Murfitt). As it turns out, Black Sox Supreme Leader Gadbois received insider information weeks ago about the Sharks’ intentions, and had already signed anyone worth signing (Murfitt) way before anyone else even knew they were folding.
After signing a bunch of Sharks, the Black Sox proceeded to cut their dead weight, namely most of the Dukes that played with them last season. No team will be yearning for the likes of Nick Henderson, Larry Pawelek, Mike Pignat, and Trevor Williams, but someone will probably be desperate enough, eventually.
Elsewhere, Joe Beelen is obviously looking for a new team after finishing his one year stint with The Reverse Vampires. Word is also making the rounds that his former teammate Geoff Magnus has quit the Brewers and is also looking for a new home. It’s unknown if Goe and Geoff are a package deal.
Last, and most certainly not least, Sir Patrick Lyons is also looking for a new team to lead. Any Tier 1 squad looking for that final piece of the puzzle should snag him now before it’s too late.
Where You Going? – Team Intentions
Every year, Commissioner Beelen asks each team if there’s any change in their status for the coming season, especially with those that finished first and are due to move up, and those that finished last and are due to move down.
There were no real surprises with the automatic movers: the Pirates want to stay in Tier 1, the Blue Jays want to stay in Tier 2, the Winchester Heat want to move up to Tier 2, the Barons want to move up to Tier 3, and the Coyotes want to move down to Tier 4.
Only the Rideau Valley Reapers requested to move up a tier despite no legal obligation to (they’ve got marbles). The Tier 2 Red Sox, who have won 3 championships over the past 4 years, made no move to try and challenge themselves in the Tier 1 division (they have no marbles).
And of course, the Commish had to make the annual joke about whether the first place team in Tier 1 (usually the Battalion) wanted to move up to Tier 0, and whether the last place team in Tier 4 (sometimes the Brau, but usually the Bandits) wanted to move down to Tier 5. Both teams opted to stay where they are.
The Canada Reds Baseball Academy
There was only 1 group that expressed interest in joining the NCBL this year: the Canada Reds. On paper, this addition seemed like a no-brainer:
- There was an open spot in the NCBL for an expansion team.
- The organization as a whole is familiar with the NCBL, having played in multiple Brewer tournaments over the years (back when they were based in Capital City, before going national), and were even tournament champions in 2019.
- They were going to provide multiple Stadium slots to the league for all teams to use, paying the difference between our regular field rates and the usual Stadium premium.
- They had requested to play in Tier 1, a tier always looking for some fresh meat.
Reds owner Robert Fatal was in attendance and made his presentation to join the league, but the longer he spoke, the more resistance he faced. Some of the concerns that were raised included:
- The Reds were looking to bypass the 25-man roster limit and carry up to 39 players (a difference of +14).
- During games, their Tier 1 opponents were asked to mentor the Reds players on how to play real baseball, while simultaneously showing them how to be upstanding members of society.
- The Reds wanted to get their 24 game schedule in by playing 6 quadruple headers every other Tuesday afternoon.
- When down by at least 3 runs, the Reds wanted to swap the ball/strike rules when they were at the plate; so 3 balls and then they take their base, and 4 strikes for them to K.
- Nobody else in the Reds organization, players included, knew they were applying to the NCBL. Surprise!!!
These kinds of shenanigans weren’t going to fly in Tier 1, so the initial Reds pitch was, in the words of Jason Klein after being offered a hotel room couch to crash on during an out of town tournament so that he wouldn’t have to sleep in his car and shower at a splash pad in the morning: “immediately rejected”.
For the record, nobody was more upset about the Reds snub than Commissioner Bill Beelen, who then tried to work over the Tier 2 managers to find these kids a spot in our league. The Head Brewer (aka Master Distiller) reminded the league that Tier 2 is where teams of younger players have been successful in the past, like the Outaouais Tribu (once led by Kyle Stewart and the dude with the floppy fish hand) and the Ottawa-West Crusaders (once led by Graeme Nichols and Cory Bond).
After further deliberations, the NCBL officially offered the Reds a spot in much looser Tier 2, where their kind of tomfoolery could be properly embraced. Things then took an unexpected turn: Insulted that they were asked to play with a bunch of second class jabroni’s, the Reds took our Tier 2 offer, shined it up real nice, turned it sideways, and stuck it straight up our candy asses.
There will be no new teams in the NCBL this year.
Lazure Legislation – Money for People
Infamous con-man Jean Lazure has swindled many NCBL groups over the years, including but not limited to the OG Outlaws, Lions, Wolfpack, OG Lynx, Gryphons, Mastodons, as well as multiple levels of the umpire monarchy.
The Zure somehow made his way onto the official Winter Meeting agenda (probably via bribe), and was on-site to present his latest grift to the league: give away tens of thousands of dollars of league money to a cause he deems fit, and then have Treasurer Craig Cornell “write-it-off”.
The league didn’t even bother voting on such a ridiculous proposal, but were intrigued by the genesis of the idea: donating money to a worthy cause. After some intense discussions, the team reps voted through a modified version of the original scheme, and came up with a few rules to make it way less Gryphonny.
Rule #1 – no calls the next day…
Are you ready for the second one? [editor’s note: I have tell you I’m really impressed with the first one -SK]
Second, the donation would be limited to $1,000. Third, the recipient(s) would need to be an actual registered charity. Finally, the charity would be chosen by that year’s eventual NCBL Volunteer of the Year. This idea comes 5 years too late for 2018 VOY winner Brett Stott, who would’ve selected the Morgan Field Reclamation Project as his charity of choice.
The SweatSox organization is actually very familiar with this kind of “generosity”, every year our Authority Cory Bond collects extra money from us and donates it on our behalf to something called: “The Human Fund”.
Bringing Back COVID Protocols – ZOOM ZOOM
Bill Beelen has been commissioner of the NCBL for over 20 years. Most assume he’ll hold office for at least another 20, but there was a moment during the Winter Meeting that upset our Commander in Chief so much, many of my sources thought he was going to flip the head table, throw up a double bird, and walk out the doors of Hall F, or was it E, forever.
So what could’ve triggered the man we assumed had seen it all? Was it the rest of Tier 1 actually voting to keep a team that wanted to play Tier 1 out of Tier 1? Nah. Did he overhear the rumors of Tim Gautam wanting to get the Panthers back together for one last ride? Nope. Or maybe someone suggested that when raking a wet infield, specifically the Sportsplex, teams should push the water into the outfield to help clear it up? That might’ve done it, but not this time.
It was actually an inquiry from Blue Jay GM Anthony De Young that nearly sent Bill into immediate retirement. De Young, the brains behind the EH rule Tiers 3 and 4 adopted last year, isn’t really a morning guy, and lives kinda far away, so he wondered if the league would be interested in returning to virtual meetings moving forward.
Oh no he didn’t.
Does this look like the face of a man who wants more Zoom meetings?
The Commish made it very clear that if anyone supported this lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous idea, he was walking out and handing the reins, and the microphone, over to the Secretary of the NCBL (his handpicked successor?). Nobody called his bluff, so in-person meetings remain, indefinitely.
*It is possible that Team North Korea and/or the Rideau Valley Reapers are already live streaming these offseason meetings. Can somebody please check their YouTube channels?
Official Meeting Minutes
While I, Shaun Keay, have given you the actual happenings of the NCBL’s 2023 Winter Meeting, sourced by dozens of people who were in attendance, the league’s “official” minutes have already been posted on the NCBL site.
Note– if you’re going to follow the link from the NCBL’s tweet, you’ll need to jump through several more hoops, especially if you’re on mobile, to actually see these so called “minutes”:
- Click link in Tweet
- Magnify the NCBL homepage so your fat fingers can press the proper link at the top of the page.
- Click “NCBL” (left of STANDINGS)
- Click “Meeting Minutes”
- Click “2023 Winter Meeting Feb 19 Minutes (draft)”
It’s a good thing these secondhand account recaps are readily available, nobody is going through all that to read the Secretary of the NCBL’s official propaganda. If I, Shaun Keay, was the NCBL’s Director of Media Relations, I would’ve linked to it directly, kind of like this:
You’re welcome.
Final NCBL Winter Meeting Notes/Thoughts:
- There were only 14 RSVP’s as of February 2nd.
- A senility attack can get you anywhere, anytime.
- Neal Phadnis believes the OPS COM is running much more smoothly with Louis Gadbois on the COM than it did with Adam Lowry.
- There were only 30 ejections in the NCBL last year. Step your game up hotheads!
- Disposable plates & cutlery at the banquet are here to stay.
- The Red Sox hate their field as much as everybody else.
- The Ottawa Baseball Infrastructure Improvement Group (OBIIG) should’ve been named the Greater Ottawa Baseball Infrastructure Improvement Group (GO BIIG).
- Jean Lazure mentioned 5 of the 6 NCBL Volunteers of the Year during his pitch, omitting 2021 winner Cory Bond for obvious personal reasons.
- The umpires have agreed to supplement the NCBL player donation by working the entire 2023 postseason for free, and donating their would-be salaries to the cause.
- Can we get one of those supersized cheques when we make these charitable payments?
- Spending the night is optional.
Yours,
I, Shaun Keay
For entertainment purposes only