I, Shaun Keay, have been doing this thing too well for too long without getting the credit I deserve. So from here on out, you will respect my craft, and show some love for me, the head of the table in the literary realm. Acknowledge me!
And now, in my own words (obviously), a breakdown of last night’s SweatSox vs Los Latinos matchup:
Yesterday, at the thrilling season opener played at Kinsmen Field, the SweatSox faced off against Los Latinos in an unforgettable baseball showdown. In a remarkable display of skill and determination, the SweatSox emerged triumphant with a final score of 13-9, overcoming a valiant comeback attempt by their opponents.
Right from the outset, the SweatSox asserted their dominance, racing to a commanding 12-2 lead by the end of the second inning. Their potent offense consistently found gaps in the opposing defense, relentlessly scoring runs. Leading the charge was “Downtown” Steve Brown, who delivered a standout performance with two hits, setting the tone for the team’s offensive prowess.
Taking advantage of scoring opportunities, Josh Ramage and Phil Leduc stepped up in crucial moments, each delivering two runs batted in (RBI). Their timely hits and ability to drive in runs proved instrumental in building and maintaining the SweatSox’s commanding lead.
However, the SweatSox’s success was not limited to their batting power alone. The game witnessed two awe-inspiring diving catches by their exceptional center fielder, Kent Johnston. Johnston’s acrobatic displays in the outfield provided a defensive highlight reel, showcasing his incredible athleticism and contributing to the team’s defensive strength.
On the pitching front, Dave Rotari took the mound as the starting pitcher and delivered a masterful performance. With precise control and strategic execution, Rotari provided a solid foundation for the SweatSox’s early lead, setting the stage for our eventual victory.
As the game progressed, Los Latinos fought back valiantly, attempting to close the gap on the scoreboard. However, the SweatSox’s defense remained resolute, making crucial plays to stifle their opponent’s comeback efforts. In the late innings, Eric White stepped onto the mound to close out the game in a non-save situation. He showcased his reliability and composure, effectively shutting down Los Latinos’ offense and securing the well-deserved win for the SweatSox.
The SweatSox’s victory in their first game of the 2023 season is an auspicious beginning, setting a positive tone for the upcoming matches. With a potent offense, stellar pitching performances, and standout defensive plays, the team demonstrated their potential and the depth of their talent. Moving forward, the SweatSox will seek to build upon this early success, aiming to maintain our winning form throughout the season.
Close enough.
There was some rust to be expected having not played a game in 227 days, and so there were some interesting scenarios that played out:
- In the 3rd after hitting a ball straight down the left field line (literally off the chalk), Old Man Johnston, on the advice of the first base coach, tried to leg a clear single into a double and was thrown out by about 69 feet. Not since Young Man Johnston got 1-8’d against the Acadians back in 2009 has there been such an embarrassing display of SweatSox base coaching, or lack thereof. Mr. and Mrs. Johnston, who were watching from the stands, called it a day after witnessing this humiliation.
- Next, Phil Leduc fell victim to the classic hidden ball trick after ROE’ing in the 5th inning. Not since Kent Johnston tried to leg a single into a double and was thrown out by about 69 feet a few innings earlier has there been such an embarrassing display of SweatSox base coaching, or lack thereof. I wish Mr. and Mrs. Johnston had come back to the game so they could walk-off again after witnessing this newest debacle.
- Finally, after the game, we sort of forgot how to make a proper parking lot circle. It was more of a lumpy breast, and Josh was the nipple. We’ll do better next time,
There was at least one positive from this game: we executed a pickle to near perfection.
And now, I’d like to welcome you to our newest weekly feature: The SweatSox Player Spotlight, where we showcase the incredible talents of the new players that we picked up over the off-season. During these spotlights, we’ll take an in-depth look at the player’s background, their career highlights, and their unique skills and contributions to the team. Batter up:
Introducing Steve Brown, the latest addition to the SweatSox roster and a seasoned veteran of the National Capital Baseball League. With an impressive twelve-season stint with the Dukes before making the transfer to the BlackSox last year, Steve brings a wealth of experience to the team. As the eldest of the two Bel-Air Drive Brown brothers, Steve believes he has rightfully earned the renowned “Downtown” nickname, a testament to his selflessness in the bedroom. Hailing from Carlingwood Frank Ryan Little League, Brown’s passion for baseball has been ingrained in him from an early age. Notably, he proudly joins the ranks of Cory Bond, Daniel Massey, Denver Hunt, Keith Fenn, Mark Stinson, and Nick Henderson as SweatSox players to have also played for the Laurentian High School baseball dynasty of the late ’90s. With his impressive background, Brown is set to make his mark and contribute to the team’s success in the seasons to come, assuming he doesn’t decide to go play softball full-time.
Final SweatSox vs Los Latinos Notes/Thoughts:
- Kent Johnston needs a Snickers, and pictures of Spider-Man, on his desk by the end of the day.
- Craig Cornell definitely called Kent a mom.
- W is for weiner, and also wiener.
- Mark Bond was uncharacteristically classy in the handover of his jersey.
- Ross Hughes’ jersey was a “small” when he got it, and an “extra large” when he gave it back.
- Putting a finger in your butt is dangerous.
- Kent Johnston is going to enjoy having Groundskeeper Williams around.
- Josh Ramage is wearing the very pants he is replacing.
- Phil Leduc was hit by both a wild pitch, and a wayward bat in his debut.
- We were blessed with an A+ Umpire crew for our game, but only because of the Tier 1 game that was taking place after us.
- I, Shaun Keay, would take a dinner date with my mom, the great Shauna Roberta Keay, over Opening Day, any day.
- We scored 6 runs before Trevor Williams recorded the first SweatSox hit of the season, an RBI double down the left field line.
- We were outscored 7-1 once I arrived at the ballpark.
- For the first time ever, Marc Lett got to be the guy that runs for the catcher with 2-outs!
- Kent Johnston heard the same voice on the base-paths that Eric White heard last year when he walked back to 2nd after stealing 3rd.
- 3 SweatSox got HBP, and none of them were Jaspreet Sanghra.
- Craig Cornell leads the team in strikeouts (2). I’m still at 0.
- Jaspreet Sanghra leads the entire NCBL in AVG (1.000).
- Phil Leduc will block any ball, anywhere, anytime.
- Larry Pawelek has a semen-like stain on the back of his hoodie.
- Is it a beer spill if it’s intentional? Yes.
- The SweatSox are even more diverse now that we’ve got Brown Steve on the team.
- Larry Pawelek only drinks 90% of a beer; I only drink 10% of a vodka soda.
- Andrew Hierlihy’s last name is pronounced Hierbejfbsndkcnsbwebf.
- Blowing the meth dealer is a good way to get discounted meth.
- Mark Bond pulled, it, out. At least it wasn’t a banana.
- Impregnating someone twice is how you get super babies, as only the strongest will survive the battle for womb superiority.
- Marc Lett is a decorated scientist.
- Phil Leduc once won a gold medal for this 5th grade science project volcano.
- Larry Pawelek loves seeing the white stuff come out.
- The SweatSox have a strict “No Coors, no Hoors” policy.
- There is no such thing as a SweatSox NDA, everything is literally on the record, thanks to me (Shaun Keay)
- Mike Pignat and Steve Brown were not involved in the unsolved 2016 Fun Valerie “incident”.
- “Do you have any egg rolls?” is definitely a 5 game suspension.
- There’s never a plastic bag around when you need one.
- Does crushing beer cans with your feet drown out the sounds of a mulchy murder?
- Larry Pawelek may have already clinched Mister Hyjinx Two Thousand Twenty-Three.
- What’s more valuable: a cherry vodka soda, or mulch?
- Most of the Pirates are staying at the Flannigan house, on Flannigan Street, in the Flannigan District.
- It’s time to once again kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of asses to kick.
Next up for the SweatSox (1-0) is a matchup of the Tier 3 unbeatens when we face off against the Lumberjacks (3-0) Wednesday night at Southgate. The Jacks have started the season on a tear, and are highly motivated to win the pennant so they can get back to Winchester’s majestic Morgan Field next year in Tier 2.
#WONTHEHYJINX