First things first: Readers of the SweatSox vs Lumberjacks recap, you will recognize my greatness, as I am the alpha and omega of storytelling and inspiration. Acknowledge me!
And now, in my own words (obviously), a breakdown of last Wednesday’s SweatSox vs Lumberjacks matchup:
Last Wednesday at Southgate, the SweatSox faced off against the Lumberjacks in our second game of the year. The SweatSox entered the game coming off a 13-9 victory on Opening Day, hoping to build on our early season success. However, we fell short in this matchup, losing to the Lumberjacks by a final score of 8-4. With the SweatSox loss, the Lumberjacks remain the lone unbeaten team in Tier 3, boasting a record of 4-0.
The SweatSox will look back at the 2nd inning as the one that got away. After already scoring 3 runs, we still had the bases loaded with nobody out. However, we hit into 3 straight outs including a questionable inning ending double-play that killed our rally and dashed our chances of putting this game away early.
Josh Ramage took the mound as the starting pitcher for the SweatSox and put in a commendable performance. He pitched 4.67 innings before handing over the ball to Eric White in the bullpen (NOTE: technically it was our Authority Cory Bond that physically handed the ball over from pitcher to pitcher). Despite being tagged with the loss, Ramage pitched well, surrendering just five earned runs against the powerhouse Lumberjacks, while exhibiting great control with just two walks.
Offensively, both Josh Ramage and Larry Pawelek led the SweatSox with two hits each, contributing to the team’s offensive efforts. However, Marc Lett and Trevor Williams struggled at the plate, each striking out twice during the game. I, Shaun Keay, had a notable moment with a key (not Keay) bases-loaded walk (RBI), adding to the SweatSox’s scoring. Jaspreet Sanghra showcased his speed and agility on the bases, recording two stolen bases, while Eric White only managed to get one.
Defensively, with some of our regular shortstops either missing or scheduled to arrive late, Phil “the Juggler” Leduc stepped up as the anchor of the infield and proved himself at the shortstop position. Leduc’s performance was admirable, even forming what some are calling the SweatSox middle infield of the future with second baseman Jaspreet Sanghra.
Although the SweatSox couldn’t secure the victory, we will reflect on missed opportunities, particularly in the second inning, and aim to learn from this experience. With a record of 1-1, we will regroup, make adjustments, and continue our season with determination and perseverance.
Close enough.
While the game itself was no stranger to controversy, whether it be the count, the number of outs, or whether balls were fair or foul, the Après Baseball Hyjinx had its share of problems too. For starters, Craig Cornell was not there, despite being our Hyjinx host. Cornell did however manage to have a cooler sent to the field, filled with an interesting selection of beer that when mixed with the mold from the cooler and then ingested, tricked your mind into believing the beer tasted like whatever you were thinking about. Unrelated, half the SweatSox reported the beer started to taste like cock, while the other half claimed it was definitely ass. Unrelated, half the SweatSox started randomly deepthroating the tall boys, while the other half complained about cuts on their tongues from trying to rim the ring tabs.
It became pretty clear pretty quick that Craig opted out of coming to the game just so he wouldn’t have to drink his own beer. A heady play by a heady vet, who’s won the Head twice, and has a pretty notable head himself.
UPDATE (May 24th): In the days that followed, we learned that the cooler Craig sent to the field was in fact the wrong one. The real beers were in his red cooler, while his blue cooler was meant to be set aside and eventually picked up by a specialized team of Hazardous Waste professionals, so they could study, and then dispose of these potentially lethal liquids as safely as possible.
Final SweatSox vs Lumberjacks Notes/Thoughts:
- We are still unsure as to whether or not that lady and her mulch got home safely on Opening Day.
- Sometimes in life you just need to help out the needy.
- Andrew Hierlihy sent the first “below the belt” selfie of the season.
- The cure for everything is mulch.
- The 2023 Riverbender is on a workday.
- There is no Laugh Lounge in Houston, but there is one in Jacksonville.
- The left-handed shortstop portion of our season is usually mid-August.
- Phil Leduc regrets the day he became the SweatSox starting SS.
- Phil Leduc loves role play.
- I, Shaun Keay, never knew I could drive like that. I was going faster than I’ve ever gone before, and yet, it all seemed to be happening in slow motion. I was seeing three and four moves ahead, weaving in and out of lanes like an Olympic skier on a gold medal run. I knew I was challenging the very laws of physics. On the Queensway, I took the shoulder. On the 416, I used the median. I had it. I was there.. and then.. I hit the Hunt Club. They say no one’s ever beaten the
Van WyckHunt Club, but gentlemen, I tell you this, I motherfucking did. First one at the field bitches, and I did it on an empty tank (had to fill up at the Shell on Merivale after the game). ?? - The Ramage Protocol was not properly followed, nor was the Kent Rule.
- Marc Lett had the first SweatSox SAC BUNT of the season, that may or may not have been an infield single depending on who you ask.
- Marc Lett seemed rattled while talking on his phone between innings, VOML described it as the most horseshit call ever, respectfully.
- Future SweatSox Evan Lett made a brief appearance in the dugout to make sure we got his old batboy jersey back. He can no longer fit it in, but we’re hoping Nick Henderson can.
- It’s not okay when the glove’s in the way.
- Nothing brings two people closer together quite like strong, pungent musk.
- Kent Johnston always carries around a nice big bowl of jelly.
- Cory Bond did get a proper goodbye from Jaspreet Sanghra this time.
- There are many things you cannot protest, but you can always protest the dick.
- Eric White brought 2 chairs: one for himself and one for his nuts, leaving wife Justine White to sit on the ground. The tables were turned later that night when Eric was told he had to sleep on the ground.
- Mike Pignat had 2 sweaters and 3 coats on. Trevor Williams had just his jersey, Winnie the Pooh style.
- The peanut pass always stops with Kent Johnston.
- One of Andrew Hierlihy beers, when translated to English, meant “You Fucking Idiot”.
- Nobody drops a “drop it like it’s hot” quite like Tom Toll.
- Mike Pignat’s dad loves the Beastie Boys.
- Mr. Pignat was Josh Ramage’s favourite math teacher.
- The earliest reference to “Upper Deckers” dates back to a 2003 Urban Dictionary entry.
- If you puke in someone’s vent, you will get pissed on.
- A Hot Lunch is nothing at all like a Cleveland Steamer.
- It’s always unfortunate when a group of nuns get off a bus only to hear the locals describing in detail how the baseball team across the street are fellating each other on the bench, in February.
- We tried to buy some real beer from the Lumberjacks, but the only thing they had in their cooler was their bases.
- Next week’s SweatSox Player Spotlight will feature Andrew Hierlihy.
- The pee tree by the pickle-ball court earned its keep.
- You can’t stop Larry Pawelek at the Hyjinx, you can only hope to contain him, and Craig Cornell’s “beers” did just that.
- It’s a 14-minute walk (or 1,469 steps) to get from Southgate to 3065 Apple Hill.
- Since when did we get a checkmark? Thanks, Elon.
Next up for the SweatSox is a stretch of 4 games in 7 days that will take us into our annual #SweatTrip break in the schedule. It all begins this Wednesday when we will be facing Los Latinos (again) early at Southgate, weather permitting,
#WONTHEHYJINX