Did you actually think that just because I wasn’t at the game there wasn’t going to be a recap? Steve Brown learned the hard way that I, Shaun Keay, know EVERYTHING. Acknowledge me!
And now, in my own words (undeniably), a breakdown of last night’s SweatSox vs Los Latinos matchup:
LORRY GREENBERG: Alright, folks, hold onto your baseball caps because I’ve got a hilarious recap of last night’s SweatSox versus Los Latinos game at Southgate! The SweatSox showed up ready to play, and we definitely brought our A-game, leaving the Los Latinos scratching their heads in confusion.
Eric White took the mound and pitched a complete game, which was impressive, considering he was probably daydreaming about tacos half the time. He gave up only 5 hits and 1 walk, showing the batters that hitting against him was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Eric struck out 6 batters, and let’s be honest, he probably did it while striking his famous victory pose. You know the one, where he turns into a human pretzel after every strikeout.
Now, let’s talk offense. Steve Brown, the SweatSox MVP, was on fire once again. He swung that bat like it was a magic wand, smacking two hits, including a triple that had the crowd screaming with excitement. Not only that, but Steve also managed to rack up 3 RBI, as if he was playing an RBI slot machine and winning the jackpot every time. The other players might want to start calling him “The Magician” because he keeps making runs appear out of thin air.
Oh, and how could I forget the grand moment of Josh Ramage’s stand-up double! It was like witnessing a rare bird spreading its wings and soaring through the air. With a crack of the bat, the ball went flying, and Josh ran like he was being chased by a swarm of bees. He rounded first base with a smile that could light up a stadium, realizing he had just hit a stand-up double. The crowd erupted in applause, wondering if they were witnessing a hidden talent show instead of a baseball game. Josh, the master of surprises, proved that not only can he scoop balls at first base, but he can also show off his fancy footwork on the base paths. Bravo, Josh, bravo!
On the flip side, we have Cory Bond, who took it upon himself to test the laws of physics with his strikeouts. He struck out a whopping three times, earning him the prestigious title of “Strikeout King” of the SweatSox. Rumor has it that he’s petitioning to have a statue erected in his honor, depicting him swinging and missing. It’s quite the sight to behold, I must say.
But let’s not forget the speedsters on the team! Eric White and Jaspreet Sanghra were feeling particularly sneaky yesterday, as they each stole 2 bases. They were like stealthy ninjas, silently tiptoeing past the defense, leaving them wondering if we were playing a game of baseball or hide-and-seek.
Now, we have to give credit where credit is due. The SweatSox defense was on point! Craig Cornell and Jaspreet Sanghra were like acrobats in the infield, diving left and right, making spectacular stops that left everyone’s jaws dropping. Trevor Williams, not to be outdone, made a gravity-defying catch in the outfield that had fans checking their pockets for flying pigs. And who can forget about the incredible juggling skills of Phil Leduc behind the plate! Phil proved that he’s not just a catcher but a multi-talented performer, ready to join the circus at a moment’s notice. Way to keep us all on the edge of our seats, Phil!
All in all, it was a night of triumph and laughter for the SweatSox. They won the game 8-2, leaving Los Latinos scratching their heads, wondering how they got outplayed by a team that has more fun than a bunch of clowns at a birthday party. The SweatSox continue to prove that they’re not just a baseball team, but a comedy show on grass. We can’t wait to see what antics they have in store for us next time!
Close enough…
AND THE WINNER IS: In a hilarious turn of events, Cory Bond, the king of strikeouts, has just added another prestigious trophy to his eclectic collection. Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll, please, as we present to you the inaugural “I Fucked Up” Award! Cory’s performance during the game was nothing short of legendary in terms of amusing mishaps. Not only did he strike out three times, leaving the opposition in awe of his uncanny ability to swing and miss, but he even had a chance for a fourth strikeout, only to ground out in the inning that never was. It was like witnessing a comedy sketch unfold before our very eyes. And if that wasn’t enough, Cory decided to showcase his defensive prowess while serving as the designated hitter, much to the confusion of everyone involved. However, before he could amaze us with his hidden defensive skills, he was promptly removed from the field. Classic Cory, always keeping us guessing and providing endless laughter.
This “I Fucked Up” trophy now joins his illustrious collection of Dorions, A&Ws, Clocks, Odlids, Humide Moist Towelettes, and countless NCBL awards, making it clear that Cory is a true connoisseur of both sporting mishaps and quirky memorabilia. Bravo, Cory, for adding another memorable chapter to your whimsical legacy!
Final SweatSox vs Los Latinos Notes/Thoughts:
- The Hat Murdock, albeit not as prestigious as the OG Murdock, was won by Ross Hughes.
- Kent might have the ultimate pitching weapon: the 14 step crow hop.
- Just when catching got real interesting, Phil wants out.
- There’s nobody better than the first baseman to know if a runner was safe or out, except someone on the bench. Or New York.
- Jaspreet finally got in on the HBP action.
- Larry set up the big inning by getting picked with 2-outs on a 3-2 count after being told to make sure the pitcher goes to the plate.
- The back end of a double steal is beneath Eric White.
- The dog, possibly named Gus, was not a good boy.
- Good things happen when you play shallow.
- If a dude gets cup checked, but then the inning gets erased, did he still get hard?
- Doug Dorion is missing his nose.
- Josh Ramage can’t wait to visit the ATF gift shop in Texas. Hopefully they sell hats there too.
- Marc Lett may or may not have run into University of Waterloo’s Men’s Rugby legend “Perry” a couple of weeks ago, for another back adjustment.
- Josh Ramage always has his zipper down; at bat, on the mound, even at the grocery store.
- 30 seconds in the microwave is the ideal hot pocket cooking time. 45 seconds is way too much.
- Andrew Hierlihy drinks a glass of Rohypnol every morning to get him going for the day.
- Larry Pawelek came to the field with a near empty tank of gas, and left with a full tank of something else.
- Trevor Williams will only wear a hoodie when it’s +30 degrees out.
- How close does something need to be to be close? Close.
- Kent Johnston’s mom is from Swift Current.
- Barrhaven is absolutely the backyard of the Sportsplex, if the backyard was 5+ kilometers long.
- 168 Sushi is the official sushi of the SweatSox.
- Larry Pawelek and Andrew Hierlihy may have been at the same Costco at the same time today.
- There are many stores on Hunt Club, even a window repair place.
- Winchester is a team. We are individuals.
- Marc Lett will be shaving the mustache off tonight.
- Larry Pawelek only brought 8 beers.
- Steve Rumleskie likes him some relish, possibly.
- Trevor Williams cranked up the AC on the ride home then took an ice bath to warm himself up.
- I did not kick ass, nor chew bubblegum.
- Kent Johnston is not him.
HISTORIC: Finally, we’d like to give a big shoutout to Phil Martin of the Black Sox, who pitched so well the other night that he got the W despite his team taking the L. Mad respect!
NEXT UP: Get ready for another thrilling baseball showdown as the SweatSox gear up to take on the team formerly known as the Capitals, now rebranded as the Crusaders, in a battle of epic proportions at the Sportsplex tomorrow night. The first pitch will be thrown at 6:10pm, so mark your calendars and prepare for a night filled with baseball magic and unexpected surprises!
Happy Birthday Joe! XOXO -Shaun Keay
#WONTHEHYJINX