Aint nothing changed. You’re gonna respect me. You’re gonna obey me. You’re gonna Acknowledge me!
And now, in my own words (unequivocally), a breakdown of last night’s SweatSox vs Crusaders matchup:
SPORTSPLEX: In a resounding display of dominance, the SweatSox claimed a remarkable 8-0 victory yesterday at the illustrious Hamilton Yards. Scoring five runs in the opening inning, we set the tone for the game and never relinquished our grip on the lead. It was a true team effort, with every player contributing their skills and determination to secure this magnificent triumph.
The hero of the night was none other than SweatSox starter Josh Ramage, who pitched a complete game shutout. He navigated the game with finesse, only encountering a bit of trouble in the 5th inning when he loaded the bases with nobody out. Panic started to set in until Cory “The Authority” Bond strutted to the mound like a boss, giving Ramage a pep talk that probably included some hilarious wrestling references. Suddenly, Ramage regained his composure and proceeded to get three straight outs: a 3-pitch strikeout followed by an incredibly rare 1-2-3 double play, only our second one ever. The crowd erupted in awe at this spectacular display of baseball excellence.
The SweatSox displayed a well-balanced offense, with Steve Brown, Nick Henderson, Cory Bond, Marc Lett, and Phil Leduc each recording two hits. Eric White stole the show with three hits, and Marc Lett may have also struck out twice, but hey, he now sits alone atop this year’s strikeout leaderboard. We can’t forget Cory Bond’s thunderous hit in the first inning. It was a sight to behold as the ball soared through the air, carrying the hopes and dreams of the SweatSox to new heights. The outfielders gazed in wonder as the ball crashed into the fence, earning Bond a well-deserved double and securing his title as the Sultan of Swat for the night.
Speaking of stealing, Eric White ran rampant on the basepaths, snagging three stolen bases like they were free candy. Nick Henderson, playing in his first game of the season, also joined in on the fun with a stolen base of his own. The Crusaders must have felt like they were up against a group of mischievous rabbits!
Defensively, the SweatSox were on point, committing zero errors throughout the game. Well, except for that one small positioning hiccup from Phil Leduc in right field, but hey, even the best comedians slip on a banana peel once in a while. Elsewhere, Eric White wowed the crowd with some jaw-dropping plays at shortstop, and Steve Brown stretched his limbs like a yoga master at first base. They sure know how to put on a show!
A very special congratulations is in order for Craig Cornell. He reached the momentous milestone of recording his 300th career National Capital Baseball League hit. Cornell joins the elite club of only 32 players who have achieved this feat, and the 2nd SweatSox player to do so. Now, Craig, if you could only teach us your secrets to hitting baseballs like they’re piñatas at a birthday party!
Next up in the SweatSox 300-hit club will be Kent Johnston. Cory Bond is still 14 away.
There was only one moment last night that left the crowd teetering on the edge of their seats, and that came in the 5th inning with the bases loaded, two outs, and the aforementioned Kent Johnston at the plate. The pressure weighed heavy on Johnston’s shoulders, akin to standing over a crucial putt with a major championship on the line. As the pitch whizzed by like a speeding golf ball on the green, Johnston’s club, or rather his bat, remained motionless on his shoulders. The collective gasp from the spectators echoed through the ballpark, akin to the hushed silence that blankets a golf course during an errant putt. The umpire’s resounding “strike three” resonated in the air, sealing Johnston’s fate as the recipient of the “I Fucked Up” award. With a gracious nod to his opponents, Johnston took his walk of shame back to the dugout, knowing that in the game of baseball, just like golf, the mental fortitude required to seize the moment can make or break a player’s performance. Here’s to actual swings and clearer judgment in the rounds to come, Kent!
Finally, let’s take a moment to thank Andrew Hierlihy for his incredible contribution to the team’s victory celebration. As the team basked in the glory of their triumph, Hierlihy appeared like a culinary superhero, armed with a barbecue and a stash of mouthwatering meat. The tantalizing aroma of sizzling victory hot dogs filled the air, and hungry players gathered around Hierlihy like devotees at a meaty shrine. With skill and precision, Hierlihy grilled the perfect hot dogs to perfection, ensuring that every bite was a taste of sweet victory. And let’s not forget the condiments! Ketchup, mustard, relish, and all the fixings were generously provided, transforming each hot dog into a work of art. Andrew Hierlihy, you are a grill master and a true champion in the realm of team spirit and gastronomy!
Close enough…
Final SweatSox Vs Crusaders Notes/Thoughts:
- $45 is the new $75
- Jean Lazure remembered to bring his hat this time.
- The Crusaders really mixed it up with their new uni’s.
- The scheduled start time was 6:10pm; the actual start time was 6:14pm.
- Number of times the SweatSox balk: 0. Number of times the other team balks: every time.
- Why wasn’t Phil Leduc playing in?
- Jean Lazure’s favourite NCBL player is Yuri Enriquez.
- Craig Cornell volunteered to play an extra inning at 3B before being subbed out.
- Eric was thanked for his D for the first time in his life. Poor Justine.
- Are the Red Sox fee deposits refundable?
- Josh Ramage needs to stay above 300.
- Steve Brown deep-throated that meat like a real man.
- “Oh my god, that’s Shaun’s Keay!!” -Jim Ross
- I, Shaun Keay, met Nick Henderson today.
- A 50 from Quebec is better than a 50 from Ontario.
- Come and knock on our door.
- We’ve been waiting for you.
- Where the kisses are hers and hers and his.
- Three’s company too.
- Trevor Williams received the 8×365 game ball last Wednesday.
- Jeff Bagwell has admitted that he juiced.
- There are no idols to save Cop, the Tribe has spoken, he’s out, of everything.
- Larry Pawelek may need to cover the repair costs to fix the Sportsplex asphalt from his weaponized beer can grenades.
- There’s nothing like your first jerk being in the parking lot of a Big Rig.
- The two cans were 69’ing.
- All the Dukes look the same, tall & white.
- Craig Cornell’s phone is going to break soon if he doesn’t put a case on it asap.
- Josh Ramage may not hate you, but you can still be his enemy.
- Mulch + winterfresh beer = an excellent bug repellent.
- Steve Brown never misses a basement workout, even if he’s at someone else’s house.
- Have you ever noticed that there are no whistle stoppages in baseball? Or that in baseball it’s the defense that has the ball? It’s not like that in any other sport.
- The drums are not distracting, just annoying.
- IKEA has an after-hours shirtless valet service.
- A tendy is not a wing.
- You only pay for the sugar in a restaurant fountain drink.
- Her name was definitely Kerrick.
- That chick needs to go to Yuri’s driving school to figure out how to properly turn a car around in a parking lot.
- Can’t wait for breakfast tomorrow morning.
- Steinberg and Greenfield are not made up people, as you can see here, they went missing in 1990.
NEXT UP: Looking ahead, the SweatSox have their next game tomorrow night at Trillium, facing off against the team formerly known as the Hayley Vaughan Real Estate Rockets, now the RainSoft Rockets. Game time is set for 6:00 pm, so mark your calendars and get ready for another side-splitting showdown on the diamond. Get your popcorn ready, folks, because the SweatSox are ready to deliver another unforgettable performance!
#WONTHEHYJINX