Do not ask me if I want to play in the field. Do not ask me to take your spot in the batting order. I will play where I want, when I want. All you have to do is Acknowledge Me!
And now, in my own words (indubitably), a breakdown of last night’s SweatSox vs Padres matchup:
HAMILTON YARDS– In a scorching display of SweatSox superiority, last night’s baseball game at the Nepean Sportsplex left the Padres feeling more roasted than a marshmallow at a summer campfire. With a merciless 11-1 score in favor of the SweatSox, we improved our 2023 record to an impressive 4-2 as we head into the #SweatTrip2023 break in the season.
Eric White took the mound and unleashed a pitching performance so dominant, it had the Padres begging for a mercy rule. With a complete game non-shutout, White made the Padres’ bats look as effective as wet noodles, allowing a mere 6 hits and a single, lonely run. The Padres’ leadoff hitter managed to squeeze out a foul ball before inevitably striking out, a small victory they celebrated as if they had just discovered the fountain of youth.
Not content with merely dominating on the mound, Eric White took charge of the SweatSox offense as well. With 3 hits, 3 RBI, and 2 stolen bases to his name, White left the Padres feeling like they were caught in a whirlwind. But he wasn’t alone in his offensive prowess. Kent Johnston, Larry Pawelek, Andrew Hierlihy, and Phil Leduc each contributed with 2 hits apiece, ensuring that the Padres’ misery was shared by all. And let’s not forget Cory Bond, who chose this auspicious occasion to pull off his annual base theft, providing a painful reminder to the Padres that they were being outclassed at every turn.
The SweatSox defense was led by the indomitable Jaspreet Sanghra at second base, whose lightning-quick reflexes made the Padres’ hits look slower than a sloth on tranquilizers. Sanghra’s defensive prowess had the Padres contemplating whether they should have brought a GPS to locate their elusive hits.
Amidst the celebration of victory, there was an extra cause for jubilation. Kent Johnston achieved a monumental milestone with his 300th career hit. Joining the elite ranks of only 33 NCBL players, Johnston’s accomplishment left the Padres feeling as insignificant as a fly on a hot dog bun. And in a fitting display of triumphant exhaustion, Johnston decided to celebrate by taking a nap right on the parking lot, proving that even in slumber, he’s more impressive than the Padres’ entire lineup.
The SweatSox departed the Nepean Sportsplex with an air of superiority that had the Padres questioning their life choices. With pitching dominance, an offensive onslaught, and defensive wizardry, the SweatSox left the Padres wondering if they should consider early retirement and start a career in synchronized swimming—because they certainly couldn’t find any synchrony on the baseball diamond.
Close enough…
Final SweatSox vs Padres Notes/Thoughts:
- Ross Hughes, the SweatSox OG #00, made a special in-person appearance in the stands, but left before we could get him to pitch or catch or play shortstop for an inning.
- Larry Pawelek misses calling the shots now that he can’t sit himself whenever he wants.
- Kent Johnston will catch any ball hit in front of him, straight at him, behind him, or beside him. Kent Johnston will also throw any runner out that trips over his own shoelaces, and doesn’t get up.
- Eric White’s pickoff move to first is good, his pickoff move to second not so much.
- Josh Ramage the pitcher would cut Josh Ramage the first baseman.
- The Red Sox drinking game is a dangerous one when Phil Leduc, formerly of the Red Sox, is in the circle. Steve Brown and Trevor Williams were plastered by the end of the night.
- Eric White is never giving up the “I Fucked Up Award”.
- How many flips does it take until it becomes a juggle?
- Larry Pawelek sat in the circle shirtless.
- We got to meet a dog that eats horses for dinner both on and off the track.
- If you rearrange the letters in Capitals you can spell Crusaders.
- Kent Johnston may be the better center fielder, but Andrew Hierlihy is the better beer catcher.
- Dave Rotari won’t drive barefooted, in spikes, or in somebody else’s shoe.
- Phil Leduc, formerly of the Red Sox, who won 3 championships in 4 seasons, can’t drive stick.
- Larry Pawelek is hung like a mouse, not a horse.
- Kent is only 245.
- The Padres know a good app deal when they see it.
- Josh Ramage is pro-Pineapple.
- Martin Van Buren was the 8th President of the United States.
NEXT UP: #SweatTrip2023