Anyone can show up late to a game when they know they’re sitting, but it takes a true master of his craft to show up late when they know they’re in the starting lineup. I do not acknowledge the concept of time, but you will Acknowledge me!
And now, in my own words (assuredly), a breakdown of Friday night’s SweatSox vs Barons matchup:
OGILVIE ROAD- In a historic clash at Trillium, the Stittsville SweatSox squared off against the Bytown Barons in a baseball showdown that left fans in awe. And oh boy, did the SweatSox bring the heat! We triumphed over our opponents with a resounding 12-2 victory, leaving the Barons with more bruises than a mishandled fly ball.
The SweatSox wasted no time making their mark on the game, unleashing an offensive onslaught in the 2nd inning. Andrew Hierlihy, the maestro of mayhem, decided it was time to show off his skills. He went a blistering 2 for 2 with a homerun, a double, and a jaw-dropping 3 RBI in that inning alone. Talk about putting on a show! Even the Barons had to admire his hitting prowess between picking up their shattered egos.
Not to be outdone, Kent Johnston decided to join the long-ball party. After an unfortunate pickoff earlier in the game that momentarily made fans raise their people’s eyebrows, Kent redeemed himself by smacking a homerun to DEEP left. For about 14 glorious seconds, the memory of that mishap vanished as fans reveled in the awe-inspiring power of his swing.
Eric White, not content with merely spectating, decided to make his own mark on the game. With his bat blazing and his legs on fire, he finished with 2 hits and an impressive 4 stolen bases. Maybe he should consider a side gig as a professional base thief. The Barons could use some extra security.
Pitcher extraordinaire, Josh Ramage, once again showcased his skills on the mound. With the precision of a surgeon and the control of a Zen master, he conceded a measly 3 hits, 1 walk, and left the Barons earned run-less for a stunning 6 innings. This gem of a performance marked his second consecutive complete game win, leaving opposing batters scratching their heads in confusion. We were fortunate the Hero of Hydration even showed up to this one, word was he spent the entire day at home with the runs, suffering from a classic case of over-hydration. He was fine with it though, he’s learned after many years of watching our offense to take runs whenever he can get them.
Now, let’s talk defense. The SweatSox defense had its share of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster ride through a minefield. The outfield, resembling a brick wall, caught everything that came their way, leaving the Barons cursing their luck. However, the infield had moments that made fans question if they had forgotten the fundamental aspects of fielding a ball. Catching, throwing, and fielding became optional exercises for the infield, with a few mishaps that made even the spectators wince. But fear not, for in the midst of chaos, Eric White emerged as the shining knight of the shortstop position, reminding everyone what solid defense looks like.
In the end, the SweatSox emerged victorious, leaving the Barons nursing their wounds while contemplating their thoughts on Twitter. With an explosive offense, a pitching masterclass, and a defense that kept fans on their toes (albeit sometimes for the wrong reasons), the SweatSox claimed their first-ever victory over the Barons in a dazzling display of talent and entertainment. It’s safe to say the Barons won’t be forgetting this game anytime soon, but neither will the SweatSox. They’re here to make a statement, and it’s loud, clear, and as exciting as a grand slam under the bright lights of Trillium.
Close enough…
MILESTONE COUNTDOWN: In their quest for 300 NCBL hits, Larry Pawelek and Mike Pignat are strutting their stuff like kings of the diamond. With each crack of the bat, they leave opponents in awe and pitchers contemplating early retirement. Both Pawelek and Pignat recorded a hit in Friday’s game, propelling them ever closer to the mythical realm of baseball immortality, where their names will be etched alongside NCBL greats Eric White, me, Kent Johnston, and Craig Cornell. The countdown is on, and the anticipation is building. Pawelek and Pignat are a force to be reckoned with, and they’re ready to make history with their bats blazing and swagger intact. Shoutout to Trevor Williams, who is even closer to 300 than those two.
AND NEWWWWW: In a moment that left fans shaking their heads in disbelief, Cory Bond of the SweatSox managed to secure his second career “I Fucked Up” award with an epic blunder late in the game. With a Trevor Williams flyout to center field, it seemed like a routine play, but Bond found a way to turn it into a spectacle of miscalculation. As if in a trance, he strayed too far from first base, only to be doubled off in a display of base-running that defied all logic. While his teammates and spectators tried to stifle their laughter, Bond walked away with the dubious honor of the “I Fucked Up” award, a feat that will be remembered long after the final out of the game.
On a more positive note, our fearless leader did score the game winning run…
Final SweatSox vs Barons Notes/Thoughts:
- The benchers all showed up late. That’s what SweatSox Authority Cory Bond gets for posting the lineup too early.
- Putting small orange cones around a plethora of puke is basically the same as cleaning it up.
- Josh Ramage may have had a 4 pitch inning, but he should’ve done it in 3.
- My pants needed to be on for it to start counting as a sit.
- Josh Ramage doesn’t want a pitch count when he’s on the mound, he wants us to do his step count.
- Andrew Hierlihy hit his homerun 278.5 feet; Kent Johnston hit his 420.
- For the first time since Game 2 of the 2007 Stanley Cup Finals, the SweatSox had video streaming in the dugout during the game, courtesy of Larry Pawelexxx.
- In our last 2 games, Cory Bond has been HBP on his shoelace and on a loose thread hanging from the back of his jersey. Could someone please plunk him square in the back? You’ll probably be doing him a favour.
- Kent Johnston only struck out swinging because he didn’t want Josh Ramage to yell at him for striking out looking. We are not sure why he got picked off though.
- It takes a real confident manager to remove someone from the game after they went 2 for 2 with a homerun and a double.
- Only Larry Pawelek has the power to get me to sub into a game.
- I, Shaun Keay, wasn’t trying to steal second, Cory Bond and I had the hit & run on. It ended up being more of a foul & jog though.
- 7 pounds of cock is a lot of cock.
- They should sell shell-less peanuts, or maybe even grind them up into a butter or paste.
- King of Consumption Kent Johnston was so hungry he devoured an entire Costco dog and the aluminum foil it was wrapped in.
- Stef Leclair (former Duke, current BlackSox, future SweatSox), once took a real “messy” dump up against the wall of the Gloucester Wave Pool. It was so bad he had to burn his underwear and socks right after. I’m not sure what it is about bodies of water that gets his bowels flowing.
- Josh Ramage purposely forgets things in his car so he can get more steps in.
- Larry Pawelek was able to stay for a second beer because we finished early, just like Michael Litoris did in the video.
- Andrew Hierlihy has to get home early on Friday’s for sexy time.
- Josh Ramage’s ERA (1.98) is the same as Steve Brown’s fielding percentage (.198).
- There’s no way Rumleskie was ever on top. It’s just not possible.
- Is it a “Kilometer Marker” here in Canada?
- Cory Bond may or may not have kicked Marc Lett off the team. He’ll land on his feet though, word is the Red Sox are in the market for a veteran catcher.
- Road closure signs are more of a suggestion.
- Josh Ramage’s cousin does not work in the Roadhouse marketing department.
- Are you ready? I said: Are, You, Ready?
- Josh Ramage is usually against the acquisition of more pitchers, but after just one drink he asked that we get 2 more.
- Cory Bond changed his birthday to be like Eric White, while Jaspreet Sanghra changed his birthday to be like me (Shaun Keay).
- Wings, Rings, Things, and Frings.
- It’s either Fergus or Gustav. It’s probably not Cunnilingus.
- I couldn’t wear my hoodie in the circle. I didn’t want to be a bitch in front of Trevor.
- Kent Johnston is the fister.
- Big THANKS to Andrew Hierlihy for once again bringing the good meat to our post game sausage fest. He also brought some hotdogs to the Hyjinx.
REMATCH: Mark your calendars because next Tuesday is game day for the SweatSox as we go head-to-head against these very same Bytown Barons, this time at the 69th Wonder of the World: Brewer Park. First pitch will be at exactly 6:10 pm. I’ll get there when I get there.
#WONTHEHYJINX