No chance, that’s what you got. Up against a machine too strong, greedy politicians buying souls from us are puppets. We’ll find their place in line. Go tie a string around your finger now boy ’cause it’s just a matter of time. ‘Cause you got: NO CHANCE, no chance in hell. ACKNOWLEDGE ME HIM!
And now, in my own words, a breakdown of last night’s SweatSox vs Padres beat-down:
THE SOUTH-WEST CORNER OF GLOUCESTER HIGH SCHOOL- There comes a point during every team’s inaugural season when they must decide whether to keep pushing forward, or just wave the white flag and quit. Since these recaps are in my own words, I, Shaun Keay, may have suggested the ladder in the SweatSox vs Padres G1 recap, when the Padres were looking so bad that even Team Korea was looking for a piece of that action. Some of my advice for the Padres may have included:
- They should try and get their money back from the Commish, and dip back into the bushes like Homer Simpson
- They should quit baseball entirely, and try a new sport more suited to their skillset, like bowling or soccer
- They should contact Mark Keeping to see if he needs 14 new umpires, so at least they’re helping the game of baseball and not destroying it
- They should reach out to local Little League teams and offer to run some clinics, about what not to do on a baseball field.
Against my better judgment, the Padres decided to go the other way and keep on truckin, so here we were, at Trillium last night, in the final game of our regular season series where we held a 2-0-1 advantage.
The Tier 3 playoff seedings were pretty much locked in heading into this one: the SweatSox are looking at a match-up against the Barons, while the Padres will be facing the Rockets in Round 1 when the postseason starts next week. With nothing to play for in the standings, the Padres opted to play a few spares to give their starters a much needed break. One of these spares ended up being their starting pitcher.
Daniel Cordero didn’t seem so tough at first. Eric White led the game off with a single to right, eventually scoring on an E1 after a ball that was launched into the Gloucester High School soccer field from the first base area.
It all went downhill for us, very quickly, from there.
Dave Rotari got the start for the SweatSox, and was handed a 1-0 lead through half an inning of play, but he couldn’t hold the Padres to 0 runs and secure our victory, instead he gave up 13 runs on 8 hits, 6 walks, and 2 hit by pitches over 3 and 2/3 innings of work. 5 of his 11 outs did come by way of strikeout though.
Cordero, on the other hand, gave up just the 1 hit, while racking up 13 K’s in the mercy shortened 5-inning game, including a rare 4-strikeout inning in the 2nd. He was more dominant than OMS in his debut vs the Phoenix, and more dominant than OMS in the legendary OMS origin story game vs the Old Sox, but some say he was not as dominant as Paul Septimo vs the SweatSox last week, who gave up 0 hits.
We kid Padres, we kid!!!
We would like to make one thing perfectly clear though: it was an honour to share the field with a player of Daniel Cordero’s caliber, and we do recognize that it was the Padres that pounded us, and not just the Big D.
Padres 13. SweatSox 1. Final.
Throughout the night, many of us were curious about how hard Cordero was throwing, and we were able to come up with an answer: using the stopwatches on our phones to calculate time, plus the alleged distance between the rubber and plate at Trillium of 60 feet 6 inches, and a bit of SweatMath, we calculated the fastball was coming in at exactly 114.69 mph, nearly 5 times harder than Mike Bayley tops out at.
The SweatSox Player of the Game was Nick Henderson, who finished with 0 strikeouts and 2 groundouts. Honourable mentions go to everyone else who made actual contact: Eric White (single to right), Jaspreet Sanghra (lineout to first), and Cory Bond (foul ball smashed into Costco parking lot).
Finally, over the past few years, we’ve been constantly wondering if any NCBL team was going to step up and rip the metaphorical torch away from us that we’ve been carrying (with ease) for well over 20 years now. We’ve been looking for a team that plays hard (but not necessarily good), recruits hard (but not perfectly), drinks hard (but responsibly) and Tweets even harder (but not always factual). We just want to know that when we’re gone, someone will be around to keep everyone on their toes. If you’re not a pain in Joe Beelen’s ass, then are you even trying?
We thought for a while that the “future” might be the Reapers, who seem to fit most of the criteria, but their problem is they’re far too likable, with very few known enemies. To really be on the SweatSox’ level, you need to be able to fearlessly take on the Scolli’s, the Hazard’s, and the Beelen’s of the world, without remorse. The Reapers are not that, but maybe it was actually the Padres all along.
The Padres took their next step to greatness by creating a Twitter account immediately after last night’s game, and taking a swing at the biggest dog in the yard… ?
We created a monster!!!!
Close enough…
Final SweatSox vs Padres Notes/Thoughts:
- If I knew Larry was picking up the tab, I would’ve gotten the Turf & Turf
- Whoever calls it the Stein of Shame should automatically win the Stein of Shame, whether they’re on the active roster or not
- Kent Johnston just wants both teams, and Josh Ramage, to have fun
- We really could’ve used Evan Lett, who was reportedly crushing Coach Cordero at practice just last week
- The Padres had a bunch of Trevors out there on defense, just standing there looking pretty
- It’s important to always know how many outs there are
- Nick Henderson had no problem adjusting to Single-A pitching after playing co-ed softball an hour earlier
- Phil Leduc will frame any pitch, any where, any time
- Josh Ramage left right after the game to hit the cages, 0/2 with 2K’s was an unacceptable stat-line for him. Either that, or he was late for a hot date
- Trevor Williams nailed the Stein of Shame toss
- Live long and prosper, Your they/them beauty, Ross Hughes
#WONTHEHYJINX